Hey Everyone!
I'm sharing a copy of The Shack with a friend at work, and it got me thinking about some of the lessons I learned in reading the book, and I want to share them with you. As you know, I've been battling panic attacks and fear/worry/etc. since college. Truth be told, you can wade back into the inner recesses of my life, way back into childhood, and see times that I allowed fear to keep me from doing things in elementary school, so I guess fear has been like a constant companion my entire life. As God is healing me and teaching me during this season, I truly believe that He used The Shack to teach me a few more lessons. If you haven't read the book, please, please go buy a copy (and get one for a friend who needs to read the truths included as well).
This is Papa (God) talking to the main character, Mack. This SO applies to my life and I'll share how after the quote.
"When I dwell with you, I do so in the present--I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. Mack, do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?"
Well, everyone, that defines a panic attack just waiting to happen. When I spend so much of my time imagining the future, what will come, what might happen, etc., I am imagining a future without God. We're told in Scripture that He never leaves us or forsakes us. We're told He knows the plans He has for our future, and that they are for our good. We're told to be strong and courageous. We're even told that He goes before us to fight our battles FOR us!!
I think what Papa is trying to encourage Mack, and each of us as readers, is to remember that when we move into worrying about "what if", we need to remember that, even in the midst of the worst "what ifs" we can imagine, GOD IS WITH US!! Ya'll, I have spent so many moments worried about what might happen. I've cried buckets and buckets of tears thinking about what could happen, but Papa is right, I never pictured Jesus walking with me through the "what if". If He's right there with me, what have I to fear? His presence, living and active and within me is what brings comfort and peace to my mind and my heart. Now, for a little bit more of The Shack:
"Why do I do that?" asked Mack. "It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can't. It is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn't even real, nor will it ever be real. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear."
I stand guilty of those charges! In my fear, I've tried to gain control over the thing that I fear. Can we have control over the future? We may think we can. Oh my goodness the things I've avoided doing, for fear of something happening that probably never would. Most of you know how much I don't like to travel anymore, especially on Interstates. I fear a wreck happening up ahead of me and being stuck in hours of traffic with no escape. Now, yes, that's an actual thing that could and does happen, but never once has it happened to me (great, now that I've typed it, look out!). But I have avoided concerts, ball games, trips to the beach, trips to the mountains, etc. all because I've tried to avoid what I fear coming true. I think I might just go "cave in" right now...that's so depressing to type and look at, but it's my truth. (Remember, I promised to be truthful, even if it was ugly.) Back to The Shack:
"So why do I have so much fear in my life?" "Because you don't believe. You don't know that we (the Trinity) love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don't know it."
This journey, the past three months, has been so painful. God's been doing some major excavation work on my heart, my mind, and my spirit. It's felt like taking a great big bulldozer, reaching down into the depths of Kara, and pulling up tons of messy stuff. Not easy, but oh so needed. When I read that paragraph, it made me cry. I am one of the ones who has sung about God's love for the bulk of my life. I've even taught children how much He loves them. I've ministered to friends who've called at all hours of the night crying and hurting. I've witnessed to strangers in homeless shelters, online, etc., but the one person who needed to "know it" more than any other has been myself. And the truth is, I've never KNOWN it.
Praise God that I believe the past few months has been His way of getting my attention and allowing me to learn more about the amazing depths of love that He has for me. The hardest thing has been to believe that I'm "worth it". So many of my single friends have heard me say that all I'm looking for is just that one amazing man who thinks I'm "worth it". Well guess what? I met him when I was a little girl in the Sunday School classes at MPUMC. His name is Jesus, and He thinks I'm so "worth it" that He died to save me from an eternal separation from His very own Papa.
This isn't necessarily a witnessing tool, at least not that I've ever thought about, but if you don't know my Papa, I'd encourage you to reach out to someone who does and ask about Him. His love is immense. It is eternal, and it is so radical. I'm just now starting to understand it, and to believe that I'm worth it.
Discovering My Worth While in the Vault,
Kara
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