I’ll never forget the sting of their words. My eighth grade yearbook that I was so proud of was littered with references to it. Displayed for all to see was my worst nightmares—the references to my size, my weight, written in black ink for all eternity.
I had been labeled "Cow Cow Kara”, the pride of Mount Pleasant Middle School. As a thirteen year old girl, the last thing I wanted to be known for was the one obvious blight on my existence. I was the “fat kid”. I was also the one who was not only the fat kid, but I was the “smart fat kid that wore glasses”. Aaarrrggghhhh.
I was always the last one picked on a team. Then again, by middle school, I was so humiliated to have to “dress out” in shorts and t-shirts that I became quite astute at faking reasons to get out of having to participate. In 8th grade Health & PE, we had an assignment that had us “marry off” to members of our class, have “flour babies”, make budgets, etc. I prayed for days that I wouldn’t have to get married, that I could be a single person, because I was dreading the response of groans from the unlucky pubescent boy who would be stuck with the fat wife that nobody wanted.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had an experience like mine, but today, just months shy of my 40th birthday, I have to admit that I still carry those words with me like a badge of dishonor. Yes, I still am that overweight kid from many years ago in my heart, and the struggle with food and weight has been one I’ve battled my entire life.
When we are children, we don’t have the ability to resolve the internal conflict that people’s words generate. The old adage “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me” is an outright lie. Words DO hurt. They label us. They wound us, and the worst part is they stick with us for many years. As an adult, if someone calls you a name, most of us are able to look past the words and reason away that the person was having a bad day, was stressed about something that had nothing to do with us, or maybe they’d just had a few too many drinks that day! Unfortunately, children don’t have the ability to do that, so names like “Cow Cow Kara” stick, and they leave fingerprints on our souls.
An equally disturbing and hurtful label is being bandied about in society with little to no regard for the impact it might have. Those of us who work in the field of intellectual/developmental disabilities no say the “R” word….retarded. Labeling a person with a disability as retarded is the same as calling me Cow Cow or calling someone of African-American descent the “N” word, and as far as I know, no one with any sense of decency or decorum would do that.
Mark Twain once said, “the difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between lightning and the lightning bug”. When a person chooses to use a word such as “retarded” to label a person, to point out a supposed difference, or to make fun of someone our society is hurt. Our ignorance, our inability to empathize with the lives of others only serves to diminish our humanity.
If a person who has a disability is called “retarded”, “slow”, a “moron”, “backward”, “birdbrained”, “stupid”, or a “retard” etc., believe me, those words stick and they are never forgotten. The pain that is attached to those words can’t be overstated. The people I have met during my years at The Arc of Cabarrus are anything but those words. They are loving, gregarious, hopeful, friendly, intelligent, outgoing, empathetic, and caring. They hurt when they are sad. They get angry. They laugh outrageously when they’re having a good time, and boy do they ever love to have a good time! They work. They fall in love. They have friends. They get into fights with their friends. They end friendships. They have dreams for their futures. In essence, they are just like you and me!
It would absolutely break my heart to ever hear one of my friends referred to by using a slur. So many of us define ourselves based on the names and words we are called as children. If society continues to perpetuate those negative slurs through television, movies, comedic acts, and every day language, these amazing friends of mine will hear it, and they are affected. We, as a nation, are better than this.
March is the month in which Special Olympics sponsored an effort to “Spread the Word to End the Word”, effectively encouraging people in the US and around the world to eliminate the “R” word for their language. Over 112,000 people logged on to their website and took the pledge. I encourage each of our members of The Arc to share this information with your friends, neighbors and co-workers. If you hear the use of the “R” word, share with them that “retarded” hurts, BUT there is a NEW “R” word that they can use when thinking about persons who have intellectual or developmental disabilities….R-E-S-P-E-C-T!! Respect….Aretha Franklin says it best…”Find out what it means to me”. Respect takes into consideration the humanity of each of us--regardless of our weight, the color of our skin, or our intellectual or developmental levels.
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