Hello Everyone...it's been such a long time since I've taken the time to post on my blog. I suppose I should take some time to update you on how life's been going since my last posts, but then quickly move on to the point of my post today.
When we first began this journey, you'll recall that I was mired in the nightmare of the recurrence of panic attacks and anxiety. God uses so many varied ways to draw us closer to Himself, and I can say with 100% certainty, this desert wandering of mine has led me to a relationship with Him that I could only have imagined two and a half years ago. Thanks to a mighty prayer war counselor, a terrific family doctor, my parents, a host of friends and loved ones, and His loving touch, so many things have changed for the better. So, all is well!
Now, that certainly doesn't mean that there aren't battles along the way. I still struggle with knowing I'm not in full-time ministry anymore. I miss "my children" more than I could say. I love The Arc and the people we work for..they are bright lights in my life. But, when you know that you're called to one area of work and you're not living out your calling, it's really difficult. I've cried out on numerous occasions, wondering if God has forgotten me in the past months. (OK, now I know that He hasn't, but let's be honest, sometimes it just FEELS as if we're left on the sidelines during the Super Bowl. Then again, the way I would play football, the sidelines are exactly where I SHOULD be....but I digress!)
Of course, I still wonder about that whole "M" word. No, I don't mean meatloaf, I mean marriage--although there's nothing like a good meatloaf sandwich every now and again. Ahhh, the joys, trials and tribulations of dating in your late 30s. And, do I ever mean LATE 30s....the latest of late 30s....39!!! How'd that happen? I'd swear it was just yesterday when I was in high school, listening to Bon Jovi, and dancing around my room with my hairbrush. Oh, wait. That WAS yesterday...you just can't beat some great Bon Jovi!! So the marriage thing--I'm still relying on Him to lead in that area. If I trust my eternal salvation to Him, I'd think that would mean I could trust my earthly desires and dreams to His safe-keeping as well. (However, if any of you would like to help Him out a bit...you know my phone number!)
On to the purpose of my post today. The Scripture I quoted above is one of my all-time favorites. Can't you just envision God in Heaven looking down on each of His children and with the love and esteem only a parent can have for His child, rejoicing over us? Can you imagine Him being so captivated by you that He literally sings when He sees you? Do you ever catch yourself humming a tune when you're happy?
As someone who is so drawn by music and who loves to spend hours just soaking in His presence with great music, I find it especially encouraging to know that He sings over me.
Years ago, I was at a women's retreat when I began reflecting on this Scripture. I remember sitting out on a dock, in a rocking chair, with my journal. My journals have so much in them--everything from my daily happenings, to prayers, to artwork (bad as it may be), to poetry--but this day, something special was added to it. MY SONG!! I asked God if He has a special song for each of His children as He sings. I thought that if God was so creative He could invent more than 350,000 different types of beetles, He has to be creative enough to have unique songs for each of His kids.
I asked Him if He could share with me what He sang when He looked at me. I rested in His presence and quietly waited for what might happen. I felt a gentle nudge to open the journal and just write whatever came on the paper. I did just that. When I was finished, I was weeping. On the pages before me was my song...MY SONG! It could have been titled "Kara Annette", I don't know. I named it "I Sing Over You", for obvious reasons as you'll soon see.
I've never had the courage to share these words with anyone, but for some reason, I believe I'm supposed to today. Maybe someone reading will be encouraged by the words; again, I don't know. In my heart of hearts, I would LOVE for someone to take the words and see if there's any way that they could be turned into a song. Just once, this side of Heaven, I'd love to hear what My Song sounds like. I doubt that will ever happen, but just reading these words again has been quite special. They came to me at a time when I needed desperately to know that He loved me; that He saw me; that He heard me; and that He knew the desires of my heart. I trust now that He has always loved me, always sees me, hears my prayers before I speak them, and that He will give me the desires of my heart.....be encouraged. It's certainly not going down in the record books of best lyrics ever, but that doesn't matter. It's my song!
Offering notes of pure melody.
