Blogs can serve many purposes. They can be encouraging. Some allow you to pour your heart out. Some make you laugh. Some let you share random quotes. Some serve as catharsis. Still others let you teach. Sometimes, you're able to share the random quirkiness that life is filled with, and boy is mine ever filled with random quirkiness!
What's the purpose of this posting? Honestly, I don't know. What I do know is that I've always been transparent in my postings, and I think that has served me well. Tonight's post will be no different....this one's gonna be a bit messy! I'm still journeying to become MORE than His beautiful mess!!
Call it what you want - loneliness, stress, a time of wandering in the desert, that "special" time of the month and the hormone over load that comes with it - whatever the reason, I'm in one of "THOSE" moods. You know the kind where we, as women, just want to break down and sob, sling the laptop across the kitchen floor because Facebook doesn't believe we actually own our own ministry page (yep, that's happening as I type away), and you'd really like to dive into a gallon of rocky road? Well, that's me tonight, and here's why.
I've never noticed how sensitive I can be, at times, to the postings/status updates of my "friends" on Facebook before. A few hours ago, up popped a completely innocuous message that two of my friends were both fans of a certain restaurant in town. No big deal, right? Of course not....at least until I let you know this was the same place one of those dear friends of mine and I used to hang out together and share life as "sisters". Our dreams. Our fears. Our secrets. Just girl time. Best friend times. OUR times......
All of a sudden, I'm transported to a park bench in New York City. (If anyone is hearing an echo of "New York City?", go grab some salsa and chips and settle back in for the rest of this post...I'll be here when you get back!). Ok, where was I? Oh yes, a park bench in NYC. It's black and white. I'm sitting on the bench, feeling sorry for myself and sniffling because it's my birthday and no one remembered. (Ok, so it's not really my birthday, but I'm setting the mood here!) I'm feeling lonely, forgotten and like my best friends have turned away from me. If you'd like a much better picture of what I'm describing, click here.
Let me quickly state for the record that I KNOW I am not friendless. In fact, I'm blessed to have lots of people around me that I would consider friends. However, I would also say that in the past five years or so, God has really been teaching me about what it means to be a friend.
Maybe it's the nature of ministry, and I'm needing to learn the lessons. I'm not sure, but I can honestly say that in the years since I left my job at Crossroads, I've only carried with me one or two truly close friends. The friends you can call at three in the morning and cry the "ugly cry" to. The ones that will hold your hand when you break up with your boyfriend. The ones that will tell you that "Yes, that pair of pants DO make you look fat", and you're not mad at them, because you know they're telling you the truth - and in love! So many of the people that were friends there have gone on with their lives and I just don't seem to fit in there anymore. It's certainly been the same at other churches that I've volunteered or worked at as well. They move on. I move on. Life moves on. I guess friends move on?
Scripture tells us that we, who are Christ followers, have a "Friend who is closer than a brother". He will "never leave nor forsake" us. He knew us before the foundations of time...He "knit us together in our mothers' wombs". Surely this Friend is the one we can turn to when we feel friendless, when we feel all alone. I am so grateful to have a Savior who is always by my side, even if I don't always feel Him. I KNOW that He is there. That, my sweet sisters, is the essence of Faith.
If you ever have moments of doubt, of loneliness of feeling that you are friendless, I encourage you to know that you are not alone. I promise that I have been there,am there, and both you and I WILL come out of it. Just so we know that we have a Savior who is familiar with all our trials and heartaches, read how Isaiah describes Jesus in this way: "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem." Isaiah 53:3
Go back with me a moment to that park bench in NYC.....look at the woman sitting there again. This time, imagine her sitting with Jesus, and He's holding her hand. Suddenly, the grays begin to fade as glorious colors appear...the trees are bursting forth with new life. Birds are chirping. There's a smile on her face. Tears? Of course they're still there--she is a woman after all. Listen as you can faintly hear Him sharing these words with her, as He shares them with me tonight, and with you as you read.....
Be blessed, sweet sisters. He loves you so sweetly.
Kara
