Here's the thought for your birthday:
"I still don't know the answer to all the "whys" that have churned up my life, but I no longer need to know. Instead of questioning God, I've learned to search for ways God has used these experiences for good---to find-tune me in my spiritual growth."
Love ya'll!!
Kara
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
My Political Endorsement!
So, friends, it's 100 days until the Election of '08. Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, liberal or conservative, I think we can all agree it's time for some change. So, I boldy present to you my choice for President of the United States of America....
God bless America!!!
God bless America!!!
Thought for the Day...
"Instead of looking for answers to the unanswerable questions, look for joy in the life you've been given and let yourself be glad you're alive. Have genuine happiness despite your condition. (Scripture will tell you that it's really joy you have in spite of your conditions instead of happiness...but that's just my interjected point!) Enjoy laughter. It's available everywhere once you start looking for it."
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Workin' Away...New Blog Layout
Hi Everyone!
It's me, your favorite (well, I hope your favorite) handy-dandy blogger, Kara! I'm typing away at my keyboard at work, taking a break from recruiting some FLAKES to join our Ambassador Center Team. What's a FLAKE, you ask? Well, it's a person who's Fun, Loving, Attentive, Kind and Energetic!! I'm the Queen of Flakedom, myself!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you might notice a change in the look of the blog. I've been playing lately with the look. The Carolina blue fits, right??
I bought an IPod recently, and Go Fish is playing in my ears now, so I'm feelin' kinda snazzy. (Only those with kids under about 10 will know what that means!)
Anyway, this is the day the Lord has made, so I'm choosing to rejoice and be glad in it.....how about you?? The drive in was great this morning. We're getting lots of political stuff done down at mom and dad's house. It's hard to believe it's been 4 years since the last campaign. We've decided to do our best and leave the rest in God's hands....I guess a lot less stress that way, right??
Is anybody watching that Greatest American Dog show? It comes on tonight, and I'm just in love with this bulldog named Tillman. (Course, his owner ain't half bad to look at either...don'te tell Jeff!!) Man, the dog can SKATEBOARD!! I'd fall on my generously proportioned butt if I tried to do what he does!! If you haven't seen it, check it out on CBS, 8 PM I think!
Monday, July 21, 2008
A Little Confused Lately
Hi Everyone,
I guess you've noticed that I haven't posted much of anything the past week. The truth is, I've been conflicted over whether I should continue this blog. After two recent discussions, I've been cautioned to be careful about what I post here, how honest I should be, who I should allow to read it, how authentic I should be in here, whether I should post people's names, if I should mention church and work, who the "safe people" are that I can trust with reading this, and the fact that, sometimes, our truthfulness and authenticity can come back and bite us in the proverbial behind.
I share all of that, because I know several of you have asked when I would be posting something new. I guess the answer to that is today, and if you'll allow me, I'm just going to talk to myself a bit in this post. I'd appreciate and encourage your responses. You can comment here or email me...you have the address. If you don't post a note here, and I'll send it to you.
I began this blog with the intent that I could share with the people I chose to read it how I was doing as I tried to learn, once again, how to deal with panic and anxiety. I thought it would become somewhat of a "Chronicles of Kara" as I walked this journey. When I was in college and had panic attacks, I basically learned how to medicate and survive. I stopped doing things that "normal" people would do. (I never drove on 85 until a couple times last year...that's almost 20 years of not driving on the interstate.)
If I'm being 100% honest, and I promised to do so here, I really limited my life and went into "survival mode". I graduated college, went to work, fell in love, had my heart broken and served up on a platter, decided to never trust again, moved to another job, made the decision to leave my home church and go to Crossroads, started working alongside Tim (ok, maybe I shouldn't have posted his name, I'll have to watch that!), started my internship at the church, and began working there, met a lot of wonderful new friends, lost some of them in ways that have been painful, rediscovered a friendship that's now become more. In reading all that, you can add in ran some successful political campaigns, worked for non-profit agencies and catered weddings. Gosh, so many things the past 16 years or so....that LOOKS like living, right? Sure sounded busy enough!!
But I guess, and the first conversation of last week that I had confirmed this, I never really was living....I think it was merely existence, surviving, and if I believe ANYthing of what the Bible says, God doesn't want His kids to merely survive. He wants us to LIVE. Jesus died on a cross for me to give me life to the fullest, and what I've chosen to do with my life is FAR for the "fullest".
You all know me, so this isn't a shock, other than for the pure honesty: I've damaged the vessel that I've been given on this journey. I've been entrusted with a body to use to serve and honor God--Scripture tells us it's the very temple of the Holy Spirit--and I've not been a very good steward of this vessel. I share this to be totally authentic with myself....anyone who looks at me can tell that it's the truth. I'm just choosing to own up to my own poor stewardship. If something that's been shrouded in darkness and lies is brought into the light, it can't have power over me. In Lifeskills, one of the most profound statements I heard Paul Heggstrom make is that adults who were wounded in childhood can have a tendency to ignore or not want to know the truth about their bodies. In effect, they'll ignore symptoms of a major illness and not get treated because they're afraid of knowing the truth. Well, that's been me for a VERY long time. Today, however, I'm choosing to take control of my vessel. Hmmm, well maybe not control, but I'm choosing to be a better steward of that vessel....Note to self: "Kara, God's in control!" None of you will probably realize to what extent this is meant, but I do, so like I said, today's posting is for me!!
If you want to know a medical update on the panic/anxiety, here goes: I've reduced my medication that I'm taking each day to only 2 pills a day, and I've had no dizzy spells lately. (Up until one around lunchtime yesterday, but that's a different story, and since I'm still not sure about posting things about church/work, I'll just leave it at that.) I have another appointment with my doctor in a few weeks, so we'll be taking a look at some other things (refer to paragraph above).
Counselling is going well. The Lord has shown me so many lies I've bought into over the course of my life, basically all centering around my worth as a person and as the daughter of the King. (To the person who helped me see a few of those things last week via email, thank you so much! See...I didn't mention your name!! :--)) One of the things I learned last week is that, those of us who experience tremendous heartaches and feel as if we've had the very life jerked out of us when we experience loss of relationships, we have a TREMENDOUS capacity for love. We feel it deeper than others. We experience it greater than others. We lavish in it and enjoy it in a way that many others cannot.
The flip side of that, of course, is that when we lose it, we grieve it much more deeply than others will. This is where I am....caught in a web of un-grieved losses. I won't name names here, but those of you who are close to me and have walked with me over the past 8 years or so, are well aware of a tremendously heartbreaking loss and betrayal I experienced in a relationship. I thought I'd gotten over it, but the truth is that I just masked over the pain, pulled myself up by my big girl undies, (& ya'll know me, so you know they're big!) and moved on....."I'm doing just fine, thank you very much!" Several of my dearest friends the past few years have been from Crossroads, and I've lost them as well, and I haven't even begun to think about losing the people you confide in, share your secrets with, dream with, cry with, and grow in Christ with. Last year, mom was diagnosed with cancer, and I cried one time, the night she told me. I couldn't begin to think about losing her or my dad....I'm crying now just typing!! That treatment ended at the end of the year last year. The beginning of this year promised to be so much better, and we were all so grateful to God that she was healed. Just a few weeks later, it was announced that my friend and colleague (he always hated the word boss or director and never, ever used it in front of me) in Kids1st was leaving at the end of February. So, as you can see, I've allowed so much unresolved grief to build up, and I haven't processed any of it at all.....
When I first was diagnosed with panic/anxiety back in 1999, the first psychologist I ever saw equated panic to a wine bottle. (For those of you who don't drink, sorry for the analogy!) He said it's like the cork on the bottle, and the inside pressures just build and build and build. Finally, there's nothing else for the cork to do but explode, and that's where you have panic attacks. Not dealing with the losses in our lives, masking over them and pretending everything's ok is absolutely the same thing. I guess my cork just up and popped a month or so ago!!
I do want to share one insight that I gained over the weekend in some quiet time. I may have been reading, but it occurred to me that God wanted to get my attention, and He'd been gently tapping on my shoulder asking me to come away with Him to a quiet place so I could learn and spend some time listening to Him. Apparently, I didn't do that, so He needed to take a bit more drastic measures. Earlier in the year, I had a bout with a lot of sickness that just wouldn't go away. I had a stomach flu, then the flu flu, then a bad cold, and finally, I was so run down, I had to take a week off and just lay in bed doing nothing. Even that didn't really work, so I suppose He turned to the method that would get my attention like no other. I PROMISE each of you, the second I had that panic attack, HE HAD MY ATTENTION!! Truth is, I haven't had another one since then, but I've allowed fear to come back into my life. What I'm battling and waging war against is allowing the "fear thoughts" to enter my head without combatting them with corresponding truths--Scriptures that encourage me to claim my rightful place alongside Jesus. I'm a victor not a victim. I know that ALL things work together for my good. I know that God is up to something holy...He has a plan for my life. He is my strong tower, I can run to Him and I'll be safe. There are SO many promises I can claim, and the best part of it all is that each day, each circumstance, each minute, is all part of my healing process! I'm CLAIMING HEALING AND FREEDOM!!
Well, friends, my fingers are tired, and if you've hung in here this long, your eyes are probably tired. I'm still not sure I have answers about continuing these postings, but keep checking back, I won't end without letting you know. Again, if you have ideas, comments or thoughts, post them here or shoot me an email.
Love and blessings along the journey,
Kara
I guess you've noticed that I haven't posted much of anything the past week. The truth is, I've been conflicted over whether I should continue this blog. After two recent discussions, I've been cautioned to be careful about what I post here, how honest I should be, who I should allow to read it, how authentic I should be in here, whether I should post people's names, if I should mention church and work, who the "safe people" are that I can trust with reading this, and the fact that, sometimes, our truthfulness and authenticity can come back and bite us in the proverbial behind.
I share all of that, because I know several of you have asked when I would be posting something new. I guess the answer to that is today, and if you'll allow me, I'm just going to talk to myself a bit in this post. I'd appreciate and encourage your responses. You can comment here or email me...you have the address. If you don't post a note here, and I'll send it to you.
I began this blog with the intent that I could share with the people I chose to read it how I was doing as I tried to learn, once again, how to deal with panic and anxiety. I thought it would become somewhat of a "Chronicles of Kara" as I walked this journey. When I was in college and had panic attacks, I basically learned how to medicate and survive. I stopped doing things that "normal" people would do. (I never drove on 85 until a couple times last year...that's almost 20 years of not driving on the interstate.)
If I'm being 100% honest, and I promised to do so here, I really limited my life and went into "survival mode". I graduated college, went to work, fell in love, had my heart broken and served up on a platter, decided to never trust again, moved to another job, made the decision to leave my home church and go to Crossroads, started working alongside Tim (ok, maybe I shouldn't have posted his name, I'll have to watch that!), started my internship at the church, and began working there, met a lot of wonderful new friends, lost some of them in ways that have been painful, rediscovered a friendship that's now become more. In reading all that, you can add in ran some successful political campaigns, worked for non-profit agencies and catered weddings. Gosh, so many things the past 16 years or so....that LOOKS like living, right? Sure sounded busy enough!!
But I guess, and the first conversation of last week that I had confirmed this, I never really was living....I think it was merely existence, surviving, and if I believe ANYthing of what the Bible says, God doesn't want His kids to merely survive. He wants us to LIVE. Jesus died on a cross for me to give me life to the fullest, and what I've chosen to do with my life is FAR for the "fullest".
You all know me, so this isn't a shock, other than for the pure honesty: I've damaged the vessel that I've been given on this journey. I've been entrusted with a body to use to serve and honor God--Scripture tells us it's the very temple of the Holy Spirit--and I've not been a very good steward of this vessel. I share this to be totally authentic with myself....anyone who looks at me can tell that it's the truth. I'm just choosing to own up to my own poor stewardship. If something that's been shrouded in darkness and lies is brought into the light, it can't have power over me. In Lifeskills, one of the most profound statements I heard Paul Heggstrom make is that adults who were wounded in childhood can have a tendency to ignore or not want to know the truth about their bodies. In effect, they'll ignore symptoms of a major illness and not get treated because they're afraid of knowing the truth. Well, that's been me for a VERY long time. Today, however, I'm choosing to take control of my vessel. Hmmm, well maybe not control, but I'm choosing to be a better steward of that vessel....Note to self: "Kara, God's in control!" None of you will probably realize to what extent this is meant, but I do, so like I said, today's posting is for me!!
If you want to know a medical update on the panic/anxiety, here goes: I've reduced my medication that I'm taking each day to only 2 pills a day, and I've had no dizzy spells lately. (Up until one around lunchtime yesterday, but that's a different story, and since I'm still not sure about posting things about church/work, I'll just leave it at that.) I have another appointment with my doctor in a few weeks, so we'll be taking a look at some other things (refer to paragraph above).
Counselling is going well. The Lord has shown me so many lies I've bought into over the course of my life, basically all centering around my worth as a person and as the daughter of the King. (To the person who helped me see a few of those things last week via email, thank you so much! See...I didn't mention your name!! :--)) One of the things I learned last week is that, those of us who experience tremendous heartaches and feel as if we've had the very life jerked out of us when we experience loss of relationships, we have a TREMENDOUS capacity for love. We feel it deeper than others. We experience it greater than others. We lavish in it and enjoy it in a way that many others cannot.
The flip side of that, of course, is that when we lose it, we grieve it much more deeply than others will. This is where I am....caught in a web of un-grieved losses. I won't name names here, but those of you who are close to me and have walked with me over the past 8 years or so, are well aware of a tremendously heartbreaking loss and betrayal I experienced in a relationship. I thought I'd gotten over it, but the truth is that I just masked over the pain, pulled myself up by my big girl undies, (& ya'll know me, so you know they're big!) and moved on....."I'm doing just fine, thank you very much!" Several of my dearest friends the past few years have been from Crossroads, and I've lost them as well, and I haven't even begun to think about losing the people you confide in, share your secrets with, dream with, cry with, and grow in Christ with. Last year, mom was diagnosed with cancer, and I cried one time, the night she told me. I couldn't begin to think about losing her or my dad....I'm crying now just typing!! That treatment ended at the end of the year last year. The beginning of this year promised to be so much better, and we were all so grateful to God that she was healed. Just a few weeks later, it was announced that my friend and colleague (he always hated the word boss or director and never, ever used it in front of me) in Kids1st was leaving at the end of February. So, as you can see, I've allowed so much unresolved grief to build up, and I haven't processed any of it at all.....
When I first was diagnosed with panic/anxiety back in 1999, the first psychologist I ever saw equated panic to a wine bottle. (For those of you who don't drink, sorry for the analogy!) He said it's like the cork on the bottle, and the inside pressures just build and build and build. Finally, there's nothing else for the cork to do but explode, and that's where you have panic attacks. Not dealing with the losses in our lives, masking over them and pretending everything's ok is absolutely the same thing. I guess my cork just up and popped a month or so ago!!
I do want to share one insight that I gained over the weekend in some quiet time. I may have been reading, but it occurred to me that God wanted to get my attention, and He'd been gently tapping on my shoulder asking me to come away with Him to a quiet place so I could learn and spend some time listening to Him. Apparently, I didn't do that, so He needed to take a bit more drastic measures. Earlier in the year, I had a bout with a lot of sickness that just wouldn't go away. I had a stomach flu, then the flu flu, then a bad cold, and finally, I was so run down, I had to take a week off and just lay in bed doing nothing. Even that didn't really work, so I suppose He turned to the method that would get my attention like no other. I PROMISE each of you, the second I had that panic attack, HE HAD MY ATTENTION!! Truth is, I haven't had another one since then, but I've allowed fear to come back into my life. What I'm battling and waging war against is allowing the "fear thoughts" to enter my head without combatting them with corresponding truths--Scriptures that encourage me to claim my rightful place alongside Jesus. I'm a victor not a victim. I know that ALL things work together for my good. I know that God is up to something holy...He has a plan for my life. He is my strong tower, I can run to Him and I'll be safe. There are SO many promises I can claim, and the best part of it all is that each day, each circumstance, each minute, is all part of my healing process! I'm CLAIMING HEALING AND FREEDOM!!
Well, friends, my fingers are tired, and if you've hung in here this long, your eyes are probably tired. I'm still not sure I have answers about continuing these postings, but keep checking back, I won't end without letting you know. Again, if you have ideas, comments or thoughts, post them here or shoot me an email.
Love and blessings along the journey,
Kara
Monday, July 14, 2008
Blog Title
Hey Everyone!
Ta-Da!! Chad Cozad wins the award for the "Who Can Figure Out the Title of Kara's Blog First?" contest!! Chad, I'll try and figure out what the prize is shortly! I'm going to post the lyrics to a song that means the world to me by Matthew West, called "You are Everything". I think you'll notice a familiar line!
I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall?
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart.
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I'd ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
Oh You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything
Ta-Da!! Chad Cozad wins the award for the "Who Can Figure Out the Title of Kara's Blog First?" contest!! Chad, I'll try and figure out what the prize is shortly! I'm going to post the lyrics to a song that means the world to me by Matthew West, called "You are Everything". I think you'll notice a familiar line!
I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall?
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart.
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I'd ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
Oh You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything
The Shack Author on TV
Just a quick heads up to those of you who have either read or are reading The Shack. Paul Young, the author, is a guest on this week's episodes of "Life Today with James Robeson". I've just watched the first episode, and it was wonderful. He'll be back for more.
He's got me thinking about where my actual "shack" is....the place where my life got stuck, and where I've chosen to stay in hiding and give up my authenticity. It took Paul years to come out of his shack, and I suppose that the experience of the past month or so in my life is God bringing me out of MY shack.
Just thought you'd want to know!!
Kara
Difficult Start to a Great Day
Hello Everyone,
I've got a lot to share about yesterday, so I'll get started quickly. My morning started out around 4 AM when I woke up, dizzy and spinning. I've had several episodes of dizzy spells the past week, and my mom and I think it's due to the increase in the medication I'm taking...the one that made me so sleepy the first week I was taking it.
When you have panic and you fear having an attack, the last thing you want to feel is out of control (Now, I know that God is ultimately in control, and I'm just fooling myself if I think I have control.) When you're dizzy and feel out of breath, that's one of the scariest symptoms of having an actual panic attack. Add to that taking a medication whose side effect IS dizziness and lightheadedness, you're in for a boat load of worry.
I couldn't get back to sleep after having the spell, and even though I knew it was probably the medication, my fear came in that I could be driving and have another dizzy spell. If I had, believe me, you wouldn't be safe, nor would I!!
With Sunday morning and then Kidz Blitz LIVE Sunday night, I was facing at least a 15 hour day, and I haven't done that since the fear and panic came back. So, I did what I knew to do, I called for help, and bless my mom's heart, she agreed to be my driver and walk with me in case I had a dizzy spell while at church. She's my hero in this process, and I'm so fortunate to have her, but I worry sometimes about becoming overly dependent. I guess that's something I'll have to work through with Teresa.
I was scared not to take the medication in the morning because I didn't know what would happen if I quit "cold turkey", so I took it and ate some breakfast. Once I got to church, no kidding, I talked to THREE, count them 3, other women who had been on this same medication who ALL told me they had to come off of it because they couldn't handle it..they were dizzy and couldn't function well. Gosh, that sounds familiar!! I told my mom that would make me feel so great if I found out that the dizziness was a result of the side effects of the meds. (Dizziness & lightheadedness are the first two side effects listed on the information sheet about it. Of course, you're warned not to drive until you know how it affects you.....well, that's real encouraging for those who have panic attacks!! Tell me this is gonna affect my "control", and I'm a wreck!)
It was so great to see Barb & Paul Malinich, and I got a chance to talk with Brooke Wagner about all of this coming back. Brooke reminded me that it seems like when we're stepping out in faith or stepping up in levels of maturity those old ways that used to hold us back rear their ugly heads to try and keep us down. Grrrrrr I can't stand satan and his stupid plans to kill, steal and destroy. he's tried to kill my joy, steal my peace and destroy my hope.....but I KNOW that I am more than a conqueror and that the Lord's joy is my strength. Sometimes, I've just got to remind myself of that!!
Church went ok, except for a point during registration for the 11:11 service when I was feeling overwhelmed with all the people in the welcome area....so many questions, so many needs, so many people, etc etc....it was all just a bit too much, and I lost my breath (which means I'm not breathing in a peaceful way, in thru the nose and out thru the mouth). I needed to get away, but I was alone, so I almost didn't make it. Bless my mom and Shana Plummer, they stepped in and helped out, and I was grateful. Other than that, I guess the morning went well.
Set up for Kidz Blitz LIVE began immediately at the end of the 11:11 service, and the guys who stayed to help were awesome! The event coordinator, Donnie, called me twice after the end of the event to brag on them, so if any of you are reading this, THANKS!!!
The team members who came and did their assigned roles were just terrific, and the night wouldn't have happened without them! You guys rock, and I'm so blessed to know each of you. Thank you for stepping up and helping out! We had a great night! Thirty-eight children accepted Jesus as Savior for the first time last night, and as I watched that, all I could do was cry. That just makes all of this so worth it.
I cut back on the dosage of my one med yesterday, because I was afraid of the dizziness happening while I was at the church and responsible for Kidz Blitz. I called the doctor today and they've asked me to cut back to two dosages each day instead of three and see how that affects me, so I'll be doing that for the next few days. I'm asking each of you to please pray for me during this process. I have to admit that I'm afraid of this medication right now, and even though I'm beginning to feel some of the joy for my job and for my life that I haven't felt in a while, I'm still struggling day to day. It's a process and a journey, when I'd just much rather be at the end of the destination to healing and wholeness today.
Don't give up on me, you guys. I'm not giving up on myself, and most importantly, I'm not giving up on my God. He's in control, even though I'd like to be! He has a plan for my life, and it's a plan for good, to give me hope and a future in Him. He has promised to be my shelter and strong tower, a place I can run and be saved. Because of that, I can have peace, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and I have no fear. He comforts me. He upholds me. He strengthens me and He LOVES me!! (He does all those things for you too!!)
I love you guys, and I am overwhelmed by your encouragement, your hugs, your emails and comments of support, and I am grateful to God that you're a part of my life!
Kara
I've got a lot to share about yesterday, so I'll get started quickly. My morning started out around 4 AM when I woke up, dizzy and spinning. I've had several episodes of dizzy spells the past week, and my mom and I think it's due to the increase in the medication I'm taking...the one that made me so sleepy the first week I was taking it.
When you have panic and you fear having an attack, the last thing you want to feel is out of control (Now, I know that God is ultimately in control, and I'm just fooling myself if I think I have control.) When you're dizzy and feel out of breath, that's one of the scariest symptoms of having an actual panic attack. Add to that taking a medication whose side effect IS dizziness and lightheadedness, you're in for a boat load of worry.
I couldn't get back to sleep after having the spell, and even though I knew it was probably the medication, my fear came in that I could be driving and have another dizzy spell. If I had, believe me, you wouldn't be safe, nor would I!!
With Sunday morning and then Kidz Blitz LIVE Sunday night, I was facing at least a 15 hour day, and I haven't done that since the fear and panic came back. So, I did what I knew to do, I called for help, and bless my mom's heart, she agreed to be my driver and walk with me in case I had a dizzy spell while at church. She's my hero in this process, and I'm so fortunate to have her, but I worry sometimes about becoming overly dependent. I guess that's something I'll have to work through with Teresa.
I was scared not to take the medication in the morning because I didn't know what would happen if I quit "cold turkey", so I took it and ate some breakfast. Once I got to church, no kidding, I talked to THREE, count them 3, other women who had been on this same medication who ALL told me they had to come off of it because they couldn't handle it..they were dizzy and couldn't function well. Gosh, that sounds familiar!! I told my mom that would make me feel so great if I found out that the dizziness was a result of the side effects of the meds. (Dizziness & lightheadedness are the first two side effects listed on the information sheet about it. Of course, you're warned not to drive until you know how it affects you.....well, that's real encouraging for those who have panic attacks!! Tell me this is gonna affect my "control", and I'm a wreck!)
It was so great to see Barb & Paul Malinich, and I got a chance to talk with Brooke Wagner about all of this coming back. Brooke reminded me that it seems like when we're stepping out in faith or stepping up in levels of maturity those old ways that used to hold us back rear their ugly heads to try and keep us down. Grrrrrr I can't stand satan and his stupid plans to kill, steal and destroy. he's tried to kill my joy, steal my peace and destroy my hope.....but I KNOW that I am more than a conqueror and that the Lord's joy is my strength. Sometimes, I've just got to remind myself of that!!
Church went ok, except for a point during registration for the 11:11 service when I was feeling overwhelmed with all the people in the welcome area....so many questions, so many needs, so many people, etc etc....it was all just a bit too much, and I lost my breath (which means I'm not breathing in a peaceful way, in thru the nose and out thru the mouth). I needed to get away, but I was alone, so I almost didn't make it. Bless my mom and Shana Plummer, they stepped in and helped out, and I was grateful. Other than that, I guess the morning went well.
Set up for Kidz Blitz LIVE began immediately at the end of the 11:11 service, and the guys who stayed to help were awesome! The event coordinator, Donnie, called me twice after the end of the event to brag on them, so if any of you are reading this, THANKS!!!
The team members who came and did their assigned roles were just terrific, and the night wouldn't have happened without them! You guys rock, and I'm so blessed to know each of you. Thank you for stepping up and helping out! We had a great night! Thirty-eight children accepted Jesus as Savior for the first time last night, and as I watched that, all I could do was cry. That just makes all of this so worth it.
I cut back on the dosage of my one med yesterday, because I was afraid of the dizziness happening while I was at the church and responsible for Kidz Blitz. I called the doctor today and they've asked me to cut back to two dosages each day instead of three and see how that affects me, so I'll be doing that for the next few days. I'm asking each of you to please pray for me during this process. I have to admit that I'm afraid of this medication right now, and even though I'm beginning to feel some of the joy for my job and for my life that I haven't felt in a while, I'm still struggling day to day. It's a process and a journey, when I'd just much rather be at the end of the destination to healing and wholeness today.
Don't give up on me, you guys. I'm not giving up on myself, and most importantly, I'm not giving up on my God. He's in control, even though I'd like to be! He has a plan for my life, and it's a plan for good, to give me hope and a future in Him. He has promised to be my shelter and strong tower, a place I can run and be saved. Because of that, I can have peace, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and I have no fear. He comforts me. He upholds me. He strengthens me and He LOVES me!! (He does all those things for you too!!)
I love you guys, and I am overwhelmed by your encouragement, your hugs, your emails and comments of support, and I am grateful to God that you're a part of my life!
Kara
Friday, July 11, 2008
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Hello Everyone!
This is probably not the most "appropriate" title for this posting today, but today is an anniversary of sorts. It was one month ago today that I had that awful panic attack on the way home from church.
Now, knowing me well, this could be a time where I lament all the fear, the pain, the doubts and the insecurities. All the questions. The tears. The negative self talk. Etc. Etc.
However, I'm choosing to look at today as an anniversary of a day to be celebrated. (WOW, that is SO HARD for me to type!) I guess that God chose to allow the reemergence of the panic and fear to help lead me to healing and victory. So, isn't that a great reason to celebrate? I've got my party music on....well, really it's some Go Fish! But anyway....won't you join me in thanking God for caring so much for me that He isn't willing to allow me to stay stuck in the fear and the ways of old?? He's calling me to go higher and to go deeper with Him. Years ago, at a women's retreat, Teresa Phillips was teaching, and I jotted in my journal during her speaking that "in order for God to have more of a place inside of me, I have to get rid of some things that are not beneficial for me." I suppose the Lord has chosen now as the time to journey along the healing road for me!!
So, Happy Anniversary, Kara. Now, where are the party hats??
Celebrating the Journey,
Kara
This is probably not the most "appropriate" title for this posting today, but today is an anniversary of sorts. It was one month ago today that I had that awful panic attack on the way home from church.
Now, knowing me well, this could be a time where I lament all the fear, the pain, the doubts and the insecurities. All the questions. The tears. The negative self talk. Etc. Etc.
However, I'm choosing to look at today as an anniversary of a day to be celebrated. (WOW, that is SO HARD for me to type!) I guess that God chose to allow the reemergence of the panic and fear to help lead me to healing and victory. So, isn't that a great reason to celebrate? I've got my party music on....well, really it's some Go Fish! But anyway....won't you join me in thanking God for caring so much for me that He isn't willing to allow me to stay stuck in the fear and the ways of old?? He's calling me to go higher and to go deeper with Him. Years ago, at a women's retreat, Teresa Phillips was teaching, and I jotted in my journal during her speaking that "in order for God to have more of a place inside of me, I have to get rid of some things that are not beneficial for me." I suppose the Lord has chosen now as the time to journey along the healing road for me!!
So, Happy Anniversary, Kara. Now, where are the party hats??
Celebrating the Journey,
Kara
Thursday, July 10, 2008
REALLY Struggling Today
How I want to post every single day and tell you, "what a great day it's been"! I wish that I could share with you that every single step is a step forward and that fear is defeated and that I'm just great. Unfortunately, friends, I cannot do that today. I'm having a very difficult start to the morning, but it's really a hold over from a rough late afternoon and evening.
I'm not sure exactly what it is. It could be dealing with a new medication in my body that my system's not used to. I have one medication that I am supposed to gradually introduce, so yesterday marked the 2nd week of taking it; therefore, I needed to up the dosage. Shortly after taking a pill for the first time in the afternoon, I was extremely dizzy, even while lying down. I shrugged it off, but thought it was a bit odd. Later in the evening, I was that way a few more times, with one time around 8:30 taking my breath away for a second. I had to grab hold of the bed to stop spinning!
The truth is, if I'm 100% honest as I've promised to be in this blog, I get really scared when I don't feel good. My first panic attack, back when I was in college, happened on a trip home from the beach. I was asleep in the back seat of the car, got overheated, and had an extremely upset stomach. We tried for miles to find somewhere to stop so I could get to a bathroom, and finally found a road side gas station....not a pretty picture. I was in the bathroom, passed out because I was so sick and it was so hot in there, sprained two ankles (bet that sounds familiar, huh?), and was sick the whole trip home. Flash forward to one month ago, and I was on the road home, feeling sick with an upset stomach, and the "big one" happened.
Last night, with the room spinning and my stomach in knots, I did what I always do. I called home for help. I spent the night at my parents' house, and saw more of the bathroom than I did the rest of the house. In between the trips to the bathroom, I cried and cried, worrying about getting to work on Thursday, because I was supposed to be in a staff meeting.
Here's the problem, dear readers. I now feel as if I can't trust my body and I certainly can't trust how I feel. If any other person had been up several times with an upset stomach and dizzyness, they probably wouldn't think a thing about calling in sick or taking the morning off, working from home if they could, etc. For me, now I can't tell if I really am just dealing with the side effects of the meds, some bad chicken I ate last night, fear, or a combination of all the above. I feel as if I don't know where to turn.
I'm in a "kicking Kara" mode at the moment, and I wish I could stop! I sat at my parents' house and just cried in frustration. What do I do when I feel like I can't move forward? How can I accept steps backward and not beat myself up for them? What do I do when I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down? What do I tell myself? I feel like a baby. I feel like a failure....I can just hear Tammy Cozad saying, "Hmmmm....sound like some negative self talk?" (Yes, Tammy, it is.)
So, I don't have any answers at the moment, and I certainly don't have anything encouraging or positive to share today. For those of you who are reading, please consider saying a prayer on my behalf. It's truly the only thing that can help.
In the midst of the healing,
Kara
I'm not sure exactly what it is. It could be dealing with a new medication in my body that my system's not used to. I have one medication that I am supposed to gradually introduce, so yesterday marked the 2nd week of taking it; therefore, I needed to up the dosage. Shortly after taking a pill for the first time in the afternoon, I was extremely dizzy, even while lying down. I shrugged it off, but thought it was a bit odd. Later in the evening, I was that way a few more times, with one time around 8:30 taking my breath away for a second. I had to grab hold of the bed to stop spinning!
The truth is, if I'm 100% honest as I've promised to be in this blog, I get really scared when I don't feel good. My first panic attack, back when I was in college, happened on a trip home from the beach. I was asleep in the back seat of the car, got overheated, and had an extremely upset stomach. We tried for miles to find somewhere to stop so I could get to a bathroom, and finally found a road side gas station....not a pretty picture. I was in the bathroom, passed out because I was so sick and it was so hot in there, sprained two ankles (bet that sounds familiar, huh?), and was sick the whole trip home. Flash forward to one month ago, and I was on the road home, feeling sick with an upset stomach, and the "big one" happened.
Last night, with the room spinning and my stomach in knots, I did what I always do. I called home for help. I spent the night at my parents' house, and saw more of the bathroom than I did the rest of the house. In between the trips to the bathroom, I cried and cried, worrying about getting to work on Thursday, because I was supposed to be in a staff meeting.
Here's the problem, dear readers. I now feel as if I can't trust my body and I certainly can't trust how I feel. If any other person had been up several times with an upset stomach and dizzyness, they probably wouldn't think a thing about calling in sick or taking the morning off, working from home if they could, etc. For me, now I can't tell if I really am just dealing with the side effects of the meds, some bad chicken I ate last night, fear, or a combination of all the above. I feel as if I don't know where to turn.
I'm in a "kicking Kara" mode at the moment, and I wish I could stop! I sat at my parents' house and just cried in frustration. What do I do when I feel like I can't move forward? How can I accept steps backward and not beat myself up for them? What do I do when I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down? What do I tell myself? I feel like a baby. I feel like a failure....I can just hear Tammy Cozad saying, "Hmmmm....sound like some negative self talk?" (Yes, Tammy, it is.)
So, I don't have any answers at the moment, and I certainly don't have anything encouraging or positive to share today. For those of you who are reading, please consider saying a prayer on my behalf. It's truly the only thing that can help.
In the midst of the healing,
Kara
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A Very Good Point!
Me again!
I wanted to stop back by and post a quick update on how I am doing!! My mom just read my last post, and she mentioned that I haven't really told you guys how I've been doing the last few days. Since I promised to be real and chronicle all the highs and lows, the ups and downs, I'll do that! (By the way, that's a good reminder to me to keep in perspective. Y'all know me well. I want to do everything and anything I can to help others. I want to encourage everyone around me. Truly, the spiritual gift of exhortation is my #1 gift. But, I also don't want to overlook sharing the "real world", day-to-day of this experience. Remember the sprained ankle analogy, I can't run until I can walk!!
So, I posted on Sunday what a great day that was, so I won't rehash, other than to say Yayyy God!
Monday was the day I met with Teresa. I'm seeing her each Monday at 4 PM. She's confident and believes that, though healing takes time, God won't tarry. He is efficient and thorough, so I don't have to wander in the desert for 40 years when my trip can be accomplished in a few days! By Monday, I was about 4 days into my new meds. I'm SLEEPY!! By the middle of the afternoon, I just want to zonk out! I left home around 3, and drove to the Govt. Center to see mom and the ladies in the Register of Deeds office. Thanks ladies, for all your encouragement and your kind words. Mom's fortunate to have each of you working for her!!
The session was great! It was so peaceful, and I felt at ease. Teresa and I shared about the Prince inviting me to dance story that I posted a few days ago. She continued to encourage me to focus on the "we" instead of "me"....to find ways to invite God into my day-to-day experiences. "Hey, let's go take a drive to Wal-Mart!" "We had a good day today." Those kinds of things. It's really actually cool when you do that, because it feels as if you're inviting your closest friend into the everyday details of your life. (Just a clue: He's already there anyway! Might as well acknowledge His presence!)
After leaving Teresa, I went home and had a bite of dinner. I got a call from mom saying she received a bank statement on the campaign account. We had some campaign finance forms that were due on Wednesday, so I hopped in the car and headed to their home. We were able to complete the forms and get them turned in. I left after that, and completed a wonderful Monday, giving God the glory!
Tuesday was another day back at work, and it was GREAT!! I went in around 9, and I didn't really have any problems driving in that I can recall. I worked until around 3 and then came home. I was able to visit a number of fellow staff members, laugh with them, share what's going on in life, and to say I got a lot accomplished would be a major understatement!! I even had an opportunity to go into Lowell's office and show him the Cardboard Testimony video. (If you haven't seen it yet, check it out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ) If you attend Crossroads, be on the lookout for this powerful testimony to God's restoration process on our stage in the months ahead. Better yet! Determine what YOUR cardboard testimony would be, should you be asked to share. Wouldn't it be powerful if Crossroads was a church body characterized by people who are as transparent as the people in the video? Whooo hoooo!
After leaving church, I went home for a quick nap. I went back to mom and dad's to separate Crossroads t-shirt orders, so if you ordered some, you can pick them up on Sunday at the NexGen portico!
So, today's Wednesday, and I chose to stay home and work. In 100% honesty and transparency, my choice to stay home may well have been dictated a slight bit by fear. Well, maybe a bit more than a "slight bit". Since the BIG panic attack a few weeks ago, it's important to me that I'm able to be in contact with my mom, either in person or by phone. She's a big "safe place" for me. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. God's the biggest safe place for you, and believe me, I DO know that. But, when I'm in a panicky moment, it is most common for me to reach out to my mom....she knows how to "talk me down" from the immediacy of the moment. Maybe through my healing journey, I'll learn that I can immediately go to God when I'm feeling those symptoms, but for now, mom's it! I wasn't going to be able to be in touch with her for a long period of time today, and I just fast-forwarded to some destructive "what if" thinking...."what if I start having a panic attack and I can't talk with her?" (I probably didn't mention that is exactly what was happening when I had the HUGE panic attack several weeks ago. I wasn't able to talk to her to help calm me down from the attack.) So, I'll admit that it might not have been the best choice, but it was the choice I made for today. And guess what? I'm not judging it!! It just is, and that's ok for today!! I get a ton of work done at home anyway!!
I'm having a good day; feeling pretty calm and stable today. As you read, I had a great time of devotion and study and listening this morning. Hope that gives you all a quick update on the "Days of Kara's Life". I love you all.
Kara
I wanted to stop back by and post a quick update on how I am doing!! My mom just read my last post, and she mentioned that I haven't really told you guys how I've been doing the last few days. Since I promised to be real and chronicle all the highs and lows, the ups and downs, I'll do that! (By the way, that's a good reminder to me to keep in perspective. Y'all know me well. I want to do everything and anything I can to help others. I want to encourage everyone around me. Truly, the spiritual gift of exhortation is my #1 gift. But, I also don't want to overlook sharing the "real world", day-to-day of this experience. Remember the sprained ankle analogy, I can't run until I can walk!!
So, I posted on Sunday what a great day that was, so I won't rehash, other than to say Yayyy God!
Monday was the day I met with Teresa. I'm seeing her each Monday at 4 PM. She's confident and believes that, though healing takes time, God won't tarry. He is efficient and thorough, so I don't have to wander in the desert for 40 years when my trip can be accomplished in a few days! By Monday, I was about 4 days into my new meds. I'm SLEEPY!! By the middle of the afternoon, I just want to zonk out! I left home around 3, and drove to the Govt. Center to see mom and the ladies in the Register of Deeds office. Thanks ladies, for all your encouragement and your kind words. Mom's fortunate to have each of you working for her!!
The session was great! It was so peaceful, and I felt at ease. Teresa and I shared about the Prince inviting me to dance story that I posted a few days ago. She continued to encourage me to focus on the "we" instead of "me"....to find ways to invite God into my day-to-day experiences. "Hey, let's go take a drive to Wal-Mart!" "We had a good day today." Those kinds of things. It's really actually cool when you do that, because it feels as if you're inviting your closest friend into the everyday details of your life. (Just a clue: He's already there anyway! Might as well acknowledge His presence!)
After leaving Teresa, I went home and had a bite of dinner. I got a call from mom saying she received a bank statement on the campaign account. We had some campaign finance forms that were due on Wednesday, so I hopped in the car and headed to their home. We were able to complete the forms and get them turned in. I left after that, and completed a wonderful Monday, giving God the glory!
Tuesday was another day back at work, and it was GREAT!! I went in around 9, and I didn't really have any problems driving in that I can recall. I worked until around 3 and then came home. I was able to visit a number of fellow staff members, laugh with them, share what's going on in life, and to say I got a lot accomplished would be a major understatement!! I even had an opportunity to go into Lowell's office and show him the Cardboard Testimony video. (If you haven't seen it yet, check it out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ) If you attend Crossroads, be on the lookout for this powerful testimony to God's restoration process on our stage in the months ahead. Better yet! Determine what YOUR cardboard testimony would be, should you be asked to share. Wouldn't it be powerful if Crossroads was a church body characterized by people who are as transparent as the people in the video? Whooo hoooo!
After leaving church, I went home for a quick nap. I went back to mom and dad's to separate Crossroads t-shirt orders, so if you ordered some, you can pick them up on Sunday at the NexGen portico!
So, today's Wednesday, and I chose to stay home and work. In 100% honesty and transparency, my choice to stay home may well have been dictated a slight bit by fear. Well, maybe a bit more than a "slight bit". Since the BIG panic attack a few weeks ago, it's important to me that I'm able to be in contact with my mom, either in person or by phone. She's a big "safe place" for me. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. God's the biggest safe place for you, and believe me, I DO know that. But, when I'm in a panicky moment, it is most common for me to reach out to my mom....she knows how to "talk me down" from the immediacy of the moment. Maybe through my healing journey, I'll learn that I can immediately go to God when I'm feeling those symptoms, but for now, mom's it! I wasn't going to be able to be in touch with her for a long period of time today, and I just fast-forwarded to some destructive "what if" thinking...."what if I start having a panic attack and I can't talk with her?" (I probably didn't mention that is exactly what was happening when I had the HUGE panic attack several weeks ago. I wasn't able to talk to her to help calm me down from the attack.) So, I'll admit that it might not have been the best choice, but it was the choice I made for today. And guess what? I'm not judging it!! It just is, and that's ok for today!! I get a ton of work done at home anyway!!
I'm having a good day; feeling pretty calm and stable today. As you read, I had a great time of devotion and study and listening this morning. Hope that gives you all a quick update on the "Days of Kara's Life". I love you all.
Kara
Encouraging Myself!
Hey Everyone!
Hope you're having a wonderful day today! I thought I'd share a bit from what I learned through my quiet time and my devotion today. It completely encouraged me. If it does so for you, I'm thrilled! If it doesn't, please just share a moment of prayer for the one who is inspired and lifted up through these words.
Coming on the heels of reading The Shack, I'm also working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free study. Talk about some kind of amazing timing!! The past two days' worth of study have all been about "Hearts Broken in Childhood". If you've ever been a part of the Life Skills program (have I ever mentioned that you....nevermind!), you'll quickly learn that if a child is wounded in any number of very significant ways, they are forever changed from how God originally designed them to be. With programs like Life Skills, help from wonderful counselors or therapists, and the ultimate Healer Himself, our Papa, freedom from those chains can come. I believe in my heart now that is what is meant by God's amazing grace. How He can take someone like me or you who has been wounded by others or by our own sin, turn our lives around, restore the ground we gave over to our enemy, and then allow us to share our story with others to assist in their own healing, that just HAS to be Him!! (I'm not even sure that makes grammatical sense, but I guess it doesn't really need to....it's all about HIM anyway!!)
I wanted to share just a few snippets from what Beth shares in these two days' worth of study:
"God left our bare feet on the hot pavement of earth so we could grow through our hurts, not ignore them and refuse to feel our way through them." Boy, is that ever where I am now! Life's hard. It can cut you and it is often cruel. I've spent a lifetime ignoring my hurts, literally stuffing them away with bad choices (why, oh why, does Rocky Road ice cream have to have so many calories?). But now, I'm really seeing the re-emergence of the panic and fears as an opportunity, not as a punishment or a judgment. There HAS to be a lesson in all this, because I honestly don't believe that God allows ANYthing harmful to touch His child's life if He doesn't know that it can be ultimately used for HIS glory!! Praise, You Father for that promise! Kinda makes you wanna do a little "whoooo hoooo dance", doesn't it??
"Let me tell you how I deal with "why's?" to which I can't find answers. I find as many answers as I can in God's Word, fill in those blanks, and trust Him with the rest." After my "Why?" post this weekend, I had to laugh when I came to this portion. Also, a sidenote from meeting with Teresa, she mentioned that asking all the why's can often become a judgment on my emotions. She, again, suggested not going there when I was feeling that way. Just allow myself to feel what I'm feeling..."Oh! So, I'm feeling a little down today. Maybe I'm having a tough time at the moment. Ok, God, here's where You get to show up powerfully in me and comfort me." So, I'm encouraging you as I encourage myself....stop asking all the "why's?"....fill in the blanks with the help of His Word, and trust Him with the rest!!
"God's good from life's bad is one of the most liberating concepts in the entire Word of God. We'll never be free until we truly believe that God can do something with anything. God has promised to bring good out of anything we encounter, as long as we love Him and if we allow Him to use it for His purpose." ummm, see above!
"Completely surrender your hurt to Him, withholding nothing, and invite Him to work miracles from your misery. Then you must be patient and get to know Him through the process of healing. You will see fruit. I promise! But more than that, Christ promises!" Yayyyy!! That's exactly where I am now! Instead of knowing Him in my head, memorizing Scripture, knowing how to do the Ten Commandment Boogie (for all you Go Fish Groupers out there!), and being able to talk a mean game when it comes to knowing all about Him, NOW I'm actually getting it where it counts....in my spirit!! There's just nothing like it!!
Be encouraged, dear ones. I love you all. But He loves you more!!
Kara
Hope you're having a wonderful day today! I thought I'd share a bit from what I learned through my quiet time and my devotion today. It completely encouraged me. If it does so for you, I'm thrilled! If it doesn't, please just share a moment of prayer for the one who is inspired and lifted up through these words.
Coming on the heels of reading The Shack, I'm also working through Beth Moore's Breaking Free study. Talk about some kind of amazing timing!! The past two days' worth of study have all been about "Hearts Broken in Childhood". If you've ever been a part of the Life Skills program (have I ever mentioned that you....nevermind!), you'll quickly learn that if a child is wounded in any number of very significant ways, they are forever changed from how God originally designed them to be. With programs like Life Skills, help from wonderful counselors or therapists, and the ultimate Healer Himself, our Papa, freedom from those chains can come. I believe in my heart now that is what is meant by God's amazing grace. How He can take someone like me or you who has been wounded by others or by our own sin, turn our lives around, restore the ground we gave over to our enemy, and then allow us to share our story with others to assist in their own healing, that just HAS to be Him!! (I'm not even sure that makes grammatical sense, but I guess it doesn't really need to....it's all about HIM anyway!!)
I wanted to share just a few snippets from what Beth shares in these two days' worth of study:
"God left our bare feet on the hot pavement of earth so we could grow through our hurts, not ignore them and refuse to feel our way through them." Boy, is that ever where I am now! Life's hard. It can cut you and it is often cruel. I've spent a lifetime ignoring my hurts, literally stuffing them away with bad choices (why, oh why, does Rocky Road ice cream have to have so many calories?). But now, I'm really seeing the re-emergence of the panic and fears as an opportunity, not as a punishment or a judgment. There HAS to be a lesson in all this, because I honestly don't believe that God allows ANYthing harmful to touch His child's life if He doesn't know that it can be ultimately used for HIS glory!! Praise, You Father for that promise! Kinda makes you wanna do a little "whoooo hoooo dance", doesn't it??
"Let me tell you how I deal with "why's?" to which I can't find answers. I find as many answers as I can in God's Word, fill in those blanks, and trust Him with the rest." After my "Why?" post this weekend, I had to laugh when I came to this portion. Also, a sidenote from meeting with Teresa, she mentioned that asking all the why's can often become a judgment on my emotions. She, again, suggested not going there when I was feeling that way. Just allow myself to feel what I'm feeling..."Oh! So, I'm feeling a little down today. Maybe I'm having a tough time at the moment. Ok, God, here's where You get to show up powerfully in me and comfort me." So, I'm encouraging you as I encourage myself....stop asking all the "why's?"....fill in the blanks with the help of His Word, and trust Him with the rest!!
"God's good from life's bad is one of the most liberating concepts in the entire Word of God. We'll never be free until we truly believe that God can do something with anything. God has promised to bring good out of anything we encounter, as long as we love Him and if we allow Him to use it for His purpose." ummm, see above!
"Completely surrender your hurt to Him, withholding nothing, and invite Him to work miracles from your misery. Then you must be patient and get to know Him through the process of healing. You will see fruit. I promise! But more than that, Christ promises!" Yayyyy!! That's exactly where I am now! Instead of knowing Him in my head, memorizing Scripture, knowing how to do the Ten Commandment Boogie (for all you Go Fish Groupers out there!), and being able to talk a mean game when it comes to knowing all about Him, NOW I'm actually getting it where it counts....in my spirit!! There's just nothing like it!!
Be encouraged, dear ones. I love you all. But He loves you more!!
Kara
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Odds & Ends
Hello Everyone,
Thank you for stopping back by once more to catch up on the latest developments in my journey to freedom and wholeness. It means a great deal to me to know that you are out there. Whether I know you're reading this or not, just the fact that there are those who care means more to mean than you'll ever know.
Over the past few days, a number of people have shared that they've been encouraged or inspired by reading this blog. I'm grateful for your comments, but I want to make sure that I mention from time to time that I'm sharing my thoughts and my struggles, not to mention my victories, simply as a chronicle of my journey. I'm a broken vessel, being mended by a Potter whose hands are more delicate, more loving, and more wise than mine could ever be. He is doing a healing work in my life.
I continue to remind myself of His healing, especially in the days when I struggle most. When fears assail, doubts come along, and I'm tempted to doubt that I'll ever come out on the "other side", wherever that is, I have to cling to His promises that He is working all things together for my good. Where is the good in panic and anxiety? I suppose it's in drawing closer to HIM and depending on HIM to lead, guide and direct my path. Dropping long-held defense mechanisms is painful, and it feels at times like I'm being wrung out like a dishrag, but this is all part of His healing process in my life. For that, I must give Him praise.
Have you heard the Casting Crowns song, "Praise You in the Storm"? It talks about how the writer was sure by this point in time that God would have reached down, dried our tears, saved the day and let all the hurt end. But, He hasn't. During the storms of life, when we're struggling, THOSE are the times when it's hardest to raise our hands and praise the work that He's doing. He IS who He is, no matter where I am. Scripture and the song says He holds our tears in a bottle...I'm thinking by now mine might just be a five gallon barrel! But, ultimately, the writer ends with the line, "You've never let me down, and though my heart is torn, I'll praise You in this storm."
Well, friends, I have to tell you. There are times I just don't WANT to praise Him when life feels yucky, when I'm stressed out, when someone has said something mean or cut me down, or when the Tar Heels lose, or my oven catches on fire, or my floor is so water damaged you can scoop out the floorboards with a spoon, and especially when I'm driving home in the middle of the worst panic attack I've had in 15 years. BUT, those are the exact moments in time where I should praise Him. I believe that HE knows the plans He has for me, and that they are for GOOD, to give me HOPE and a FUTURE. So, Abba Father, Daddy, I'll praise you in this storm.
Celebrating Grace in the Journey,
Kara
Thank you for stopping back by once more to catch up on the latest developments in my journey to freedom and wholeness. It means a great deal to me to know that you are out there. Whether I know you're reading this or not, just the fact that there are those who care means more to mean than you'll ever know.
Over the past few days, a number of people have shared that they've been encouraged or inspired by reading this blog. I'm grateful for your comments, but I want to make sure that I mention from time to time that I'm sharing my thoughts and my struggles, not to mention my victories, simply as a chronicle of my journey. I'm a broken vessel, being mended by a Potter whose hands are more delicate, more loving, and more wise than mine could ever be. He is doing a healing work in my life.
I continue to remind myself of His healing, especially in the days when I struggle most. When fears assail, doubts come along, and I'm tempted to doubt that I'll ever come out on the "other side", wherever that is, I have to cling to His promises that He is working all things together for my good. Where is the good in panic and anxiety? I suppose it's in drawing closer to HIM and depending on HIM to lead, guide and direct my path. Dropping long-held defense mechanisms is painful, and it feels at times like I'm being wrung out like a dishrag, but this is all part of His healing process in my life. For that, I must give Him praise.
Have you heard the Casting Crowns song, "Praise You in the Storm"? It talks about how the writer was sure by this point in time that God would have reached down, dried our tears, saved the day and let all the hurt end. But, He hasn't. During the storms of life, when we're struggling, THOSE are the times when it's hardest to raise our hands and praise the work that He's doing. He IS who He is, no matter where I am. Scripture and the song says He holds our tears in a bottle...I'm thinking by now mine might just be a five gallon barrel! But, ultimately, the writer ends with the line, "You've never let me down, and though my heart is torn, I'll praise You in this storm."
Well, friends, I have to tell you. There are times I just don't WANT to praise Him when life feels yucky, when I'm stressed out, when someone has said something mean or cut me down, or when the Tar Heels lose, or my oven catches on fire, or my floor is so water damaged you can scoop out the floorboards with a spoon, and especially when I'm driving home in the middle of the worst panic attack I've had in 15 years. BUT, those are the exact moments in time where I should praise Him. I believe that HE knows the plans He has for me, and that they are for GOOD, to give me HOPE and a FUTURE. So, Abba Father, Daddy, I'll praise you in this storm.
Celebrating Grace in the Journey,
Kara
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Shack
Hello Friends!
After two conversations at church yesterday, I'm more convinced than ever that I want to share a treasure I found recently. It's an amazing work of "fiction" called The Shack, written by William P. Young.
I don't want to ruin the plot for you, so I won't tell you anything about the story that drives the book, but what I will share is that if you want to encounter God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in a way you never have, this is a book you can't afford to pass by.
It has received rave reviews from pastors, Christian artists, and millions of devoted fans. It began as a very small project that has now spread across the country. I first heard of it on a blog that Mark Lowry writes. It sounded like a good read, and so I grabbed a copy on Amazon. I received the book the day after I had that first huge panic attack a few weeks ago, and when I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. I think that God used the words and this writer to speak to my heart and my spirit. It is truly an amazing book.
If you question your faith, if you struggle with anger, forgiveness, fear, sin, your relationships with others, and your relationship with God, you will find answers in The Shack. You will find grace, and you will find healing.
I mentioned this book to Naseem a few weeks ago and told her I'd give her a copy. (After reading it, I've since ordered 10 copies...let me know if you want one!) She came up to me yesterday and was so excited! Susan Craig had given her a copy and she couldn't put it down! She's since bought several copies, as has Susan! Later in the morning, Susan came by to say that she didn't want to finish the book, because it was so good, and when she finished it, there wouldn't be anymore to read!! So, all the excitement to share my review of The Shack....get a copy!! (Kinda like you need to take Life Skills...you NEED to read this book!)
If you read The Shack, post your comments here and let me know what you think! I'm thinking we could have a book club and coffee meeting one morning at Crossroads to discuss it!! That would be so cool!
Enjoy your reading,
Kara
Sunday, July 6, 2008
OhMyGoodness!!
Hello Everyone!
Well, after yesterday's post, today's may seem like a polar opposite! What a GREAT day!! I just wanted to say that I think today was hand picked just for me!
Now, as you know, I've got 2 prescriptions that I can take, so I popped my pills early this morning before going into church. The drive over was wonderful. I had a lot to get done before being able to attend service, one of them being making copies of some fliers for Kidz Blitz LIVE. I was walking down the hall, and I heard it....the voice! I peeked into the worship center, and Brooke was there! What an AWESOME start to the day!! I got to see a friend that I miss, and she was singing!! yayyy!!
Then, I went into the worship center and stayed for the entire service! For those of you who may not know, that's an accomplishment that hasn't happened many times this past year. I just haven't felt comfortable in there for some reason. But I honestly believe that God gave Lowell the words to share purely for me. Now, I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only broken person in the 1500 that attend Crossroads, but I am just grateful enough to know that God intended to minister to me in a uniquely personal way today, and He did that through Brooke's song and Lowell's words. (And wasn't Josh's painting just inspiring??)
After leaving the service, the rest of the morning, work-wise, went great! I had a lot of folks asking about the ankle....it's much better now. Thanks for your prayers. We had some great worship in Kidz Blitz, and I got a chance to play with a few babies in the nursery which I love. It was altogether a great day, and was capped off with a great ride home! I couldn't have asked for better.
I commented to mom that I just can't get over how "normal" I feel with the medications in me. I guess it's something to praise God for that He allows advancements in science and research so that we are able to have medications that can aid in our healing and restoration.
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy. For though I have fallen, I AM rising!!"
Celebrating Grace in the Journey,
Kara
Well, after yesterday's post, today's may seem like a polar opposite! What a GREAT day!! I just wanted to say that I think today was hand picked just for me!
Now, as you know, I've got 2 prescriptions that I can take, so I popped my pills early this morning before going into church. The drive over was wonderful. I had a lot to get done before being able to attend service, one of them being making copies of some fliers for Kidz Blitz LIVE. I was walking down the hall, and I heard it....the voice! I peeked into the worship center, and Brooke was there! What an AWESOME start to the day!! I got to see a friend that I miss, and she was singing!! yayyy!!
Then, I went into the worship center and stayed for the entire service! For those of you who may not know, that's an accomplishment that hasn't happened many times this past year. I just haven't felt comfortable in there for some reason. But I honestly believe that God gave Lowell the words to share purely for me. Now, I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only broken person in the 1500 that attend Crossroads, but I am just grateful enough to know that God intended to minister to me in a uniquely personal way today, and He did that through Brooke's song and Lowell's words. (And wasn't Josh's painting just inspiring??)
After leaving the service, the rest of the morning, work-wise, went great! I had a lot of folks asking about the ankle....it's much better now. Thanks for your prayers. We had some great worship in Kidz Blitz, and I got a chance to play with a few babies in the nursery which I love. It was altogether a great day, and was capped off with a great ride home! I couldn't have asked for better.
I commented to mom that I just can't get over how "normal" I feel with the medications in me. I guess it's something to praise God for that He allows advancements in science and research so that we are able to have medications that can aid in our healing and restoration.
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy. For though I have fallen, I AM rising!!"
Celebrating Grace in the Journey,
Kara
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Why?
Hello Friends,
Are you ever tempted to ask "why"? Why does this happen? Why did that not happen? Why do I do this? Why don't I do that? I sure do. I guess it's human nature to question why things happen the way they do, and that's where I find myself this morning. Wondering why....
*Why am I suddenly experiencing fear as a real part of my life once more?
*Why am I so scared of driving when that never was part of the experience before?
*Why do I want to just "cave in" at times instead of fighting for my ultimate healing and freedom?
*Why do I dread the thought of going anywhere...when it used to be so simple that I wouldn't give it a second thought? I'd just get up, leave the house and go.
*Why do I feel like such a burden to my parents?
*Why is it taking so long for these meds to get in my system, and why do they make me want to sleep all the time?
*Why do I feel such shame in admitting when I'm having a bad day?
*Why do I have such a hard time believing you guys are actually reading any of this?
*Why?
*Why?
*Why?
I guess I don't have any answers to the questions, so I'm going to just do what Teresa suggests...I'm not going to judge it. It's just where I am at the moment, so I'll admit it and just "be".
I am going to encourage myself (and you as well if you ever struggle with the "whys" in your life) with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs ever. I guess I just never thought it applied to me. Boy, how the circumstances of life can force you to reexamine your thoughts!!
WHY:
For the pain is no respector Of the mighty or the small
But sometimes It just seems so Unfair To see the One who’s had More than His share
Oh it makes you wonder why
And Lord I wouldn’t second guess Your mighty plan
For I know You have a purpose That’s beyond the scope of man
If You look inside my heart You will find That I have always been The Trusting kind
Oh but still I wonder
CHORUS
Why Do the rainy days have to come
When the storm clouds hide the sun I wanna know why
Why When the reasons aren’t clear to me
When it all is a mystery I want to know why
And though down here I may not understand
I won’t let go Of the Unseen hand
For It holds the reasons why
The Lord has never been afraid Of honest prayers
And He won’t allow the burden To be more than you can bear
When He knows that your trust Is in Him
He doesn’t mind the questions Now and then
Even if you wonder Why?
Holding on to that Unseen Hand,
Kara
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy 4th!!
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Two Tales of the Morning
Part B:
So, as you can tell, I dabble a bit in "fiction". Actually, Part A was what came to mind during my devotion time this morning. God calls each of us into a divine dance with Him as our partner. He sees each of us as more than worthy, as the beautiful (or handsome) creatures He designed us to be. The weights of the world, our sins, our self-esteem issues, our angers and jealousies, etc. only serve to mask the beauty that is intrinsically ours. Who doesn't look at the vision of "beauty" that Hollywood and Madison Avenue sells us and feel like we could never live up to that? I guess the truth is that we don't! But, in His love and mercy, God never intends for us to try!! What a lesson I could learn from!!
So, Part A was a beautiful vision that the Lord showed me this morning as I was in my devotion time with Him. I was listening to some peaceful instrumental music and enjoying my quiet time with him. I closed my eyes and began to see the dance. What I posted earlier just flowed from my pen. A great start to the day.
Fast forward about an hour later, and I'm driving in to the church. I've taken my first dosage of my "every day med" as well as 1/2 of my other med. I made it to the church ok, albeit just a bit nervous. I got upstairs on my ankle really quite well, walked into the office and sat down, ready to work. Except for one small thing....my laptop died!! It boots up, but there's no picture on the screen. I did everything I knew to do, called our tech support (God bless Sam), and there was nothing to be done. Zeeesh.
Maybe that set into motion the next 30 minutes or so, but I think my brain (not to mention my nerves) didn't handle that well. I'm guessing that in my head, I went to "SuperPerformerKaraPerson" and starting saying to myself, "I'll never get done what I need to. That means I can't work here. Everyone is going to be so disappointed. I'm a failure at everything I try, and I guess they'll just fire me." blah blah blah....Ummm for those of you who have taken LifeSkills (and if you haven't, let me remind you that you should), you'll recognize that as negative self-talk, laced with Life Commandments, topped off with a huge helping of Shame.
I was supposed to meet with Jennifer, and I found her in the main office, told her I was having a bad day and needed to leave, not to mention the fact that my computer had crashed. It was SO hard telling her that. She's my new boss, at least for the time being, and I want so much to please her, to show her I'm good at what I do, that I'm a hard worker, and that I'm at least competent, but that I just need some time and understanding to know that this isn't going to be an overnight healing thing. It's a process and it just will take some time.
I broke down and went to sit in a classroom and cry. I called my physical on Earth life-line, my mom, and told her what was going on. After getting some of it out, I guess that really helped. I was able to go finish a few things I was working on. Jeff called shortly after that, and I started crying again. There's just something about me having to admit my weaknesses that brings me to tears. I WANT to have it all together. I WANT to be ok and not be a bother to anyone, but right now, I'm NOT all together and I DO need the help of others. He talked with me and helped me calm down again. I sat down and began to journal. Bless his heart, he came to the church within about 10 minutes and just hugged me and talked with me.
After that, Jennifer walked back to the office and we were able to have our meeting, walk the halls of the classrooms, and I completed what I was there to do. Maybe I just need to buy stock in Kleenex and let it out when I need to, even if it's while at work!!
I haven't asked in a while, so I'll just encourage each of you that read this from time to time to keep me in your prayers. I appreciate you following me on this journey more than yo could possibly know.
Blessings in Abundance,
Kara
So, as you can tell, I dabble a bit in "fiction". Actually, Part A was what came to mind during my devotion time this morning. God calls each of us into a divine dance with Him as our partner. He sees each of us as more than worthy, as the beautiful (or handsome) creatures He designed us to be. The weights of the world, our sins, our self-esteem issues, our angers and jealousies, etc. only serve to mask the beauty that is intrinsically ours. Who doesn't look at the vision of "beauty" that Hollywood and Madison Avenue sells us and feel like we could never live up to that? I guess the truth is that we don't! But, in His love and mercy, God never intends for us to try!! What a lesson I could learn from!!
So, Part A was a beautiful vision that the Lord showed me this morning as I was in my devotion time with Him. I was listening to some peaceful instrumental music and enjoying my quiet time with him. I closed my eyes and began to see the dance. What I posted earlier just flowed from my pen. A great start to the day.
Fast forward about an hour later, and I'm driving in to the church. I've taken my first dosage of my "every day med" as well as 1/2 of my other med. I made it to the church ok, albeit just a bit nervous. I got upstairs on my ankle really quite well, walked into the office and sat down, ready to work. Except for one small thing....my laptop died!! It boots up, but there's no picture on the screen. I did everything I knew to do, called our tech support (God bless Sam), and there was nothing to be done. Zeeesh.
Maybe that set into motion the next 30 minutes or so, but I think my brain (not to mention my nerves) didn't handle that well. I'm guessing that in my head, I went to "SuperPerformerKaraPerson" and starting saying to myself, "I'll never get done what I need to. That means I can't work here. Everyone is going to be so disappointed. I'm a failure at everything I try, and I guess they'll just fire me." blah blah blah....Ummm for those of you who have taken LifeSkills (and if you haven't, let me remind you that you should), you'll recognize that as negative self-talk, laced with Life Commandments, topped off with a huge helping of Shame.
I was supposed to meet with Jennifer, and I found her in the main office, told her I was having a bad day and needed to leave, not to mention the fact that my computer had crashed. It was SO hard telling her that. She's my new boss, at least for the time being, and I want so much to please her, to show her I'm good at what I do, that I'm a hard worker, and that I'm at least competent, but that I just need some time and understanding to know that this isn't going to be an overnight healing thing. It's a process and it just will take some time.
I broke down and went to sit in a classroom and cry. I called my physical on Earth life-line, my mom, and told her what was going on. After getting some of it out, I guess that really helped. I was able to go finish a few things I was working on. Jeff called shortly after that, and I started crying again. There's just something about me having to admit my weaknesses that brings me to tears. I WANT to have it all together. I WANT to be ok and not be a bother to anyone, but right now, I'm NOT all together and I DO need the help of others. He talked with me and helped me calm down again. I sat down and began to journal. Bless his heart, he came to the church within about 10 minutes and just hugged me and talked with me.
After that, Jennifer walked back to the office and we were able to have our meeting, walk the halls of the classrooms, and I completed what I was there to do. Maybe I just need to buy stock in Kleenex and let it out when I need to, even if it's while at work!!
I haven't asked in a while, so I'll just encourage each of you that read this from time to time to keep me in your prayers. I appreciate you following me on this journey more than yo could possibly know.
Blessings in Abundance,
Kara
Two Tales of the Morning....
Part A:
I haven't seen the princess yet. I still see the rags and the "ugly"...I dream of the dance, the ball, the beautiful ladies and the elegantly attired men, the gown, the jewels and the handsome prince. I hear the music. I hear His invitation, His call, to dance, and I feel Him leading me to the floor.
The ecstasy of complete harmony and union with Him as we slowly move to the music. His lead, and I gently follow and trust His timing and perfect rhythm. Such grace and majesty. All eyes are on us, but His are the only ones I see as I gaze into something I've never known before...pure love. They glisten and gleam with a twinkle somewhat like Santa's... perhaps it's a "knowing" of what is yet to come. Perhaps it's an awareness of a "cinder-ella" opening to more than she's ever known before. The music swells in a crescendo of harmonies and melodies that rival the heavenly angels. Then again, maybe just this once, the music is that of the angels?
Without her being aware, He leads me to a large gilded wall that is covered in a dark blue velvet draping with large golden cording and tassels. An attendant pulls back the drapes to reveal the largest mirror I've ever seen. (I think to myself, "mirror mirror on the wall, I'm the ugliest of all".) He stands behind me, both hands on my shoulders and says, "Look at my beautiful princess. See her precious face, behold her deep blue eyes, her lovely frame, her beautiful smile. Isn't she amazing?"
I look into the mirror, only to see tattered and filthy rags hanging from an altogether too large of a broken body. Years of self-hatred staring back at me. I turn away, but He gently places His hand on my face and guides it back to looking straight ahead at the dreaded mirror, reflecting back all the "ugly" that I know to be true. "Isn't she just magnificent? I love her so much! So much that I wear these scars so that she doesn't have to."
I can't look at myself, so I stare into His reflection in the mirror. He is adoring me, as if He's appreciating the workmanship of His own hands. "I know you don't see her yet, the beautiful princes I've created. I know you see the scars of sin and the pains inflicted by others, but you will see her. You just need to trust me to help you see her."
He gently lets go of my shoulders and begins to walk back to the center of the ballroom....He reaches His hand out to me and asks, "Princess Kara, may I have another dance?"
I haven't seen the princess yet. I still see the rags and the "ugly"...I dream of the dance, the ball, the beautiful ladies and the elegantly attired men, the gown, the jewels and the handsome prince. I hear the music. I hear His invitation, His call, to dance, and I feel Him leading me to the floor.
The ecstasy of complete harmony and union with Him as we slowly move to the music. His lead, and I gently follow and trust His timing and perfect rhythm. Such grace and majesty. All eyes are on us, but His are the only ones I see as I gaze into something I've never known before...pure love. They glisten and gleam with a twinkle somewhat like Santa's... perhaps it's a "knowing" of what is yet to come. Perhaps it's an awareness of a "cinder-ella" opening to more than she's ever known before. The music swells in a crescendo of harmonies and melodies that rival the heavenly angels. Then again, maybe just this once, the music is that of the angels?
Without her being aware, He leads me to a large gilded wall that is covered in a dark blue velvet draping with large golden cording and tassels. An attendant pulls back the drapes to reveal the largest mirror I've ever seen. (I think to myself, "mirror mirror on the wall, I'm the ugliest of all".) He stands behind me, both hands on my shoulders and says, "Look at my beautiful princess. See her precious face, behold her deep blue eyes, her lovely frame, her beautiful smile. Isn't she amazing?"
I look into the mirror, only to see tattered and filthy rags hanging from an altogether too large of a broken body. Years of self-hatred staring back at me. I turn away, but He gently places His hand on my face and guides it back to looking straight ahead at the dreaded mirror, reflecting back all the "ugly" that I know to be true. "Isn't she just magnificent? I love her so much! So much that I wear these scars so that she doesn't have to."
I can't look at myself, so I stare into His reflection in the mirror. He is adoring me, as if He's appreciating the workmanship of His own hands. "I know you don't see her yet, the beautiful princes I've created. I know you see the scars of sin and the pains inflicted by others, but you will see her. You just need to trust me to help you see her."
He gently lets go of my shoulders and begins to walk back to the center of the ballroom....He reaches His hand out to me and asks, "Princess Kara, may I have another dance?"
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I Just HAD to Share This!
Talk about amazing timing! In my last post, I mentioned the Beth Moore devotional and how God uniquely times things for us to recognize and use in our lives. After closing this blog, I opened my work email and had this email from John & Lisa Bevere, a husband and wife team of pastors and writers whom I love! I'm just copying this directly from their email. I hope it blesses you as it did me!! Love y'all bunches!!
"Lately, God has been revealing to me the importance of knowing and embracing each season of our lives. When we seek God diligently, He will always give us a glimpse of where He wants to take us. In our mind, we see our future and we plan our steps accordingly. It is similar to crossing a room. We see where we need to go, and we take the quickest and easiest path to reach our goal. But God has a different idea in mind.
David is a great example of this. It was prophesied that he would be the next king. He was then taken into the King’s Palace, made the armor bearer, but then attacks came from every direction. He spent years in the wilderness dodging Saul’s army. Or what about Joseph? The Lord spoke that he would be a great leader. His father, mother, and brothers would even serve him,… but then he found himself spending the next seventeen years going from a pit, to slavery, to a dungeon.
Why does God take us through these wildernesses when it would be easier for us to walk straight into our Destiny? Because it is in the wildernesses, the trials and the crucibles, that we gain the character needed to correctly steward the call of God on our lives. These trials are not God’s judgment, but rather preparation for our future!
Lisa and I love you and encourage you to stay the course to fulfill your destiny!"
"Lately, God has been revealing to me the importance of knowing and embracing each season of our lives. When we seek God diligently, He will always give us a glimpse of where He wants to take us. In our mind, we see our future and we plan our steps accordingly. It is similar to crossing a room. We see where we need to go, and we take the quickest and easiest path to reach our goal. But God has a different idea in mind.
David is a great example of this. It was prophesied that he would be the next king. He was then taken into the King’s Palace, made the armor bearer, but then attacks came from every direction. He spent years in the wilderness dodging Saul’s army. Or what about Joseph? The Lord spoke that he would be a great leader. His father, mother, and brothers would even serve him,… but then he found himself spending the next seventeen years going from a pit, to slavery, to a dungeon.
Why does God take us through these wildernesses when it would be easier for us to walk straight into our Destiny? Because it is in the wildernesses, the trials and the crucibles, that we gain the character needed to correctly steward the call of God on our lives. These trials are not God’s judgment, but rather preparation for our future!
Lisa and I love you and encourage you to stay the course to fulfill your destiny!"
Without Further Ado....
It's update time!!
When last I left off, I was getting ready to head to Teresa's for my session. It went quite well...there's such a sense of peace and healing, well-being I suppose, when you enter her office. It's a blessing to be there, even in the midst of being a bit nervous about what's to come.
She encouraged me to change my vocabaulary over the next week, and instead of saying "I", to say "we". For instance, instead of asking "What am I going to wear today?", she suggests saying, "What are WE going to wear today?" Now that may seem a bit odd at the beginning, but if you think about it, the Holy Spirit resides inside believers. He literally lives inside of me, so there really isn't a "me", but a "we". So, we are going to update you through the blog about the past 2 days!
In my devotion this morning, Beth Moore's 90 Days with Jesus, she asks this question..."What is satan perhaps using in your life right now to stop your 'going' and to bottle up your peace?" Coincidence? I think not! Isn't God sweet the way He uses every little thing in our lives? Teresa mentioned that He doesn't waste a single thing in this life, and I think (WE think), she's absolutely right! Think about that question in your own life....is there an area that you feel is being held back from God? Let it go!! Don't let satan and his stupid assignments steal your peace! It's a lesson I'm trying to learn.
Another Teresa thing: she positively laughed when she saw my sprained ankle. I told her about the hard work we've done the past week, the blog, sharing the story with all of you, etc. She just laughed and said that God had impressed on her "she can't run until she can walk. Tell her to slow down and rest and just trust Me and My timing." Oh what a lesson I need to learn! I want to run out ahead of Him and His timing. I want to go at life, work, love, friends, everything at 110%....the performance trap if ever anyone's ever been in it! But, it seems that if God can't get my attention to gently slow me down, He'll just throw a hole in my way during a football game!! Siggghhhh........praise You Father.
One thing I didn't expect from Teresa was a comment she made that she sensed a very great and deep capacity for peace and the experience of peace in my life. I had to ask her to say that again, because that's NOT my experience of my life! My brain is constantly spinning in a million different directions. I rehearse conversations before they happen. I plan out my day before it starts. I can be praying, and I'll find myself planning the next 10 things I need to do. "A great and deep capacity for peace and the experience of peace in my life." I'm holding on to that one, and praying for it to become a reality, a daily encounter, in my life!!
I went to the medical doctor on Tuesday to ask for a prescription to help level my anxiety and help me find some balance. I was fortunate to see a new doctor to me, but one my parents know well, Dr. Charles Rhodes @ Mount Pleasant Family. I walked out with 2 different meds. One, I'll take a few times each day to bring the balance and control. The other is for an immediate need, basically if I feel one coming on immediately. He wanted to check my thyroid levels, because apparently, new research is showing a connection between women's cycles and the triggering of panic and anxiety. Drawing blood...what an experience. Took so many pricks to get a vein in my hand....eeesh!! Got the results today, and my old thyroid is still operating properly. I guess the hormones are doing ok! Thank You God.
So Wednesday was Arc camp at Crossroads, and it was a BLAST! If you've never given of your time to people who have developmental disabilities, I would really encourage you to give it a try. I used to work for The Arc before working at Crossroads, and I LOVE those guys! I was wheeling around in the wheelchair at the church, and many of the campers remembered I was doing the exact same thing last year at camp!!
I got a chance to meet Mike Fongemy today, the new campus pastor at Kannapolis. He's great! Kannapolis will continue to grow and thrive with Mike and his family on board.
Well folks, I think that's about it for now. I'll leave you with one comment from a friend at the Register of Deeds office...."You can't go uphill with downhill thinking." That'll preach, ya'll!!!
Giving myself grace on the journey,
Kara
When last I left off, I was getting ready to head to Teresa's for my session. It went quite well...there's such a sense of peace and healing, well-being I suppose, when you enter her office. It's a blessing to be there, even in the midst of being a bit nervous about what's to come.
She encouraged me to change my vocabaulary over the next week, and instead of saying "I", to say "we". For instance, instead of asking "What am I going to wear today?", she suggests saying, "What are WE going to wear today?" Now that may seem a bit odd at the beginning, but if you think about it, the Holy Spirit resides inside believers. He literally lives inside of me, so there really isn't a "me", but a "we". So, we are going to update you through the blog about the past 2 days!
In my devotion this morning, Beth Moore's 90 Days with Jesus, she asks this question..."What is satan perhaps using in your life right now to stop your 'going' and to bottle up your peace?" Coincidence? I think not! Isn't God sweet the way He uses every little thing in our lives? Teresa mentioned that He doesn't waste a single thing in this life, and I think (WE think), she's absolutely right! Think about that question in your own life....is there an area that you feel is being held back from God? Let it go!! Don't let satan and his stupid assignments steal your peace! It's a lesson I'm trying to learn.
Another Teresa thing: she positively laughed when she saw my sprained ankle. I told her about the hard work we've done the past week, the blog, sharing the story with all of you, etc. She just laughed and said that God had impressed on her "she can't run until she can walk. Tell her to slow down and rest and just trust Me and My timing." Oh what a lesson I need to learn! I want to run out ahead of Him and His timing. I want to go at life, work, love, friends, everything at 110%....the performance trap if ever anyone's ever been in it! But, it seems that if God can't get my attention to gently slow me down, He'll just throw a hole in my way during a football game!! Siggghhhh........praise You Father.
One thing I didn't expect from Teresa was a comment she made that she sensed a very great and deep capacity for peace and the experience of peace in my life. I had to ask her to say that again, because that's NOT my experience of my life! My brain is constantly spinning in a million different directions. I rehearse conversations before they happen. I plan out my day before it starts. I can be praying, and I'll find myself planning the next 10 things I need to do. "A great and deep capacity for peace and the experience of peace in my life." I'm holding on to that one, and praying for it to become a reality, a daily encounter, in my life!!
I went to the medical doctor on Tuesday to ask for a prescription to help level my anxiety and help me find some balance. I was fortunate to see a new doctor to me, but one my parents know well, Dr. Charles Rhodes @ Mount Pleasant Family. I walked out with 2 different meds. One, I'll take a few times each day to bring the balance and control. The other is for an immediate need, basically if I feel one coming on immediately. He wanted to check my thyroid levels, because apparently, new research is showing a connection between women's cycles and the triggering of panic and anxiety. Drawing blood...what an experience. Took so many pricks to get a vein in my hand....eeesh!! Got the results today, and my old thyroid is still operating properly. I guess the hormones are doing ok! Thank You God.
So Wednesday was Arc camp at Crossroads, and it was a BLAST! If you've never given of your time to people who have developmental disabilities, I would really encourage you to give it a try. I used to work for The Arc before working at Crossroads, and I LOVE those guys! I was wheeling around in the wheelchair at the church, and many of the campers remembered I was doing the exact same thing last year at camp!!
I got a chance to meet Mike Fongemy today, the new campus pastor at Kannapolis. He's great! Kannapolis will continue to grow and thrive with Mike and his family on board.
Well folks, I think that's about it for now. I'll leave you with one comment from a friend at the Register of Deeds office...."You can't go uphill with downhill thinking." That'll preach, ya'll!!!
Giving myself grace on the journey,
Kara
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