The Most Unusual of Places

For those singles out there....from one of my favorite Christian single writers (other than me, of course!)

"There is a gift I would like to receive this Christmas that I am certain will be deferred--perhaps not forever--but for now.

What WILL be there, as it has been for so many years is "the gift of singleness." I cannot say I will open this package with joy, but I will open it. I will open it because, at least for this year, it is His gift to me and I know He loves me.

Where is that anticipation we used to have that would give us sleepless nights leading up to Christmas? Where is the childlike faith we used to have that the next morning would bring blessings untold? What has happened to the conviction that "God is LOVE?!" We need only look to the manger. For the manger calls to us, saying:

"Lift your eyes you who mourn.
Look up downcast soul.
Day breaks where darkness ruled.
Life springs from desert streams.
Love has heard your cry.
Love has come at last."

There is a danger in being honest. There is a danger that the little window I have sheepishly opened might be thought the full view of my soul--the sum of who I am. It is not so. I feel deep sorrow but the Joy of the Lord has carved a deeper well in my soul. Joy to the WORLD--the Lord has come!! Rejoice--God cares!!

I confessed the longings of my heart. I admitted the pain my spirit has harbored at the long delayed joy of marriage. I confessed these not to explain to you who I am--I pray I am not so shallow--but to let you know that life is comprised of such moments and such emotions. I speak with such candor so that we who are human, we who have human emotions might not think ourselves odd.

• To be real is spiritual.
• To be broken and healed is spiritual.
• To confess and to confide is spiritual.
• And yes, to rejoice is spiritual for God is with us. Emmanuel!!

Christmas, the manger is evidence of God's grace and the grace of God is deeper than the darkest shadows of night, brighter than the strongest rays of day. It is greater than all that plagues us, richer than our poverty. It must be so or there would be every reason to fear walking through the valley of the shadow of death. There would be no cause for the confidence we speak if He were not--"with us."

The Father's grace is stronger than the currents of life that threaten to drag us down, more sure than the ground on which we stand. This must be, or our struggle to reach shore would be futile. It must be, or the rumble beneath us would seem more than foreboding, more than mere threat.
The grace of God is boundless, limitless, timeless, and extravagant. Grace does not falter due to the frailty of our faith and is not threatened by our honesty. Grace does not cease due to the persistence of sin. The extent of our need does not exhaust grace. The depth of our emptiness does not consume it.

Grace is ever held out to the prodigal, ever extended to those in need. It is ever available to we who fail, to we who even at our best--are not good enough. It is we, the sick, who need the chief physician, who crave His healing touch and so--our need will never deplete His grace.

What have I to say to those who despair?
What Have I to say to those in need?
What have I to say to those who have cried their last tear?

Look to the manger! You are not forgotten. The life of Christ confirms that no degradation is beneath God's love. There is no place that grace will not go to meet those in need. In the midst of our trials and failure, in the midst of our longings and hopes--God appeared. We need never fear that we are alone. While our arms were too short to reach Him and our prayers merely murmurs--Christ came down to let us know God cares and His manger is evidence of God With Us.

Because no humiliation is beneath God's love, His grace will find us where we hide. He will seek us out even in the places we are certain no one will find, the places we hope no one will find. He will search our hardening or hardened hearts to find that tender spot. He will meet us there and gently (because that is His way) touch us so that we will know we are not alone. He might appear in the form of a friend, a parent, a child, a songbird, or the quiet rustle of leaves. He might appear in the most unusual of places, as the most unusual of people, at the most inopportune time to let us know you are not alone. Would you have ever suspected He would come in the form of a helpless babe?

Between the children that we seek to be and the people we are--lies the place of becoming. For now we are here, in the 'tween time, malformed and awkward, striving to mature, striving to be who we are called to be--and failing. But with us is the grace of God. And this makes all the difference in the world. With us is the manger; that place of meeting--God and man.
The most unusual of places finds the God of the universe--among us.

Oh it would have been easy to say He does not care if we did not have the manger. The rustle of wrapping paper and crushed boxes will not be enough for the single who still craves marriage. No the one present longed for will not fit under this tree, and it is okay to mourn this. But put off mourning till tomorrow and rejoice in the gift of God to us. Let us celebrate what is worth more than husband wife or children--for the Lord has come.

"I love thee, Lord Jesus! Look down from the sky, and stay by my side until morning is nigh."

Accepted And Loved

Hi Everyone and Merry Christmas!

I thought I'd share a bit about "Cardboard Testimonies". Several months ago, I posted a You Tube clip that brought me to tears in which a church had some of their members walking across the stage, holding a sign that showed the labels they've worn that the world had given them. You'd see things like "rejected. unlovable. unworthy. cancer patient. barren. ugly., etc." As the person stands holding their sign, they turn the sign around to show the name that God had given them. On this sign, you'd see things like "approved. lovable. worthy. cancer free. new mother. beautiful princess, etc."

The point being that satan tries to label us with all kinds of ugly lies. Scripture tells us that satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. If he can get us to wear labels that serve to cut us down, tear our lives apart and and force us to walk around in defeat, he's won. But the God that I serve gives each of us a name that serves to build up, encourage and edify. How I love Him so.

Those of you reading this blog know me well enough to know that I walked around my whole life buying into the labels that satan attacked me with. Things like "abused. not worth it. ugly. fat. rejected." I listened to the lies that satan perpetrated on me. I heard his whispers in the night: "you'll never have someone who'll love you. you'll never get married. you'll never be a mother. you'll never add up to anything. you'll never be worth it. no one will ever think you're special enough to love deeply and enough to spend their lives with you."

Those words crippled me for a long time. I lived my life for far too long accepting his lies for truth. I walked in defeat, accepted relationships in my life that were not safe, productive or loving. In the past, I said to many of my single friends that my plan was to "wait around until God brings the ONE man into my life who thinks I'm 'worth it', who approves of me 'as-is', and falls in love with me and chooses me to be his partner. THEN, I'm gonna lose all this weight, and won't he be the lucky one for it?" Ewww, just typing that gives me the chills! That's totally giving my personal responsibility away and looking for someone to "complete me". Ya'll, Renee Zelwegger did NOT have it right in Jerry Maguire. No man is meant to complete me. Nothing and no one, other than my Creator, is my "Completer".

It's been a pretty monumental year for me as I realized and recognize God as the source of my life. Everything I need--truly need--comes from Him. He pours his love and acceptance into me. Everything else is just overflow. The people in my life, my friends, my family, my job, my home, etc...they're just overflow. Wonderful and beautiful overflow.

This is how I know that NOW, finally now, I am ready to accept intimate love into my life. A year ago, I was dating someone, but I looked to him to make me FEEL better about myself, to make me FEEL loved. To make me FEEL accepted. To make me FEEL like I could open my heart and trust. To make me FEEL attractive and pretty. But that was SOOO unfair to him. That's not a man's job. That's MY job....to receive all those things--love, acceptance, trust--from God. Then, as I'm filled with HIM, I get to choose who deserves intimate access to my heart. That is what allows me to choose a safe, godly, protective, edifying man into my life, one I can walk alongside in ministry together (YES, Lord!!)...when (and only when) God says, "Yes". When that time comes, I now know that I will be able to praise Him for that person and for the things that he will ADD to my life. That wonderful man and all that encompasses him will be overflow!

Blogger's Note: that may have seemed as somewhat of an aside; however, the messages all play into the Labels that I've worn that have been placed around my neck and in my heart by satan. Now, on to the even better news!

This Sunday at Crossroads, Lowell used the message of the "Cardboard Testimonies" to share a message about Names and Labels. We were each given an index card in which we were asked to write down some of our very own labels. We were able to take them to the altar and lay them down and then pick up a card that had a response to those labels, the Names that God has given us. After crying through writing my labels down...ick, that was really hard....I went to the altar and picked up, of all things, "Accepted and Loved". Well, that just made me cry more!! What a beautiful message from God at Christmas! I am Accepted and Loved by my Lord.

May 2009 be the year that, with the Lord's help, the support and accountability of friends and the love of my family, this message of acceptance and love is truly lived out in my life. Lived out in abundant overflow.

Merry Christmas and Lots of Love,
Kara

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Today, I am honored and pleased to share with you a Christmas message from a special guest blogger, The Right Reverend Timothy Paul Patrick, Master of the Universe, Supreme Penn State Fan, Former Mentor, and Forever Friend: I hope you will be encouraged and let the message of his words sink in. Merry Christmas, Dear Friends!! Kara


Two of my favorite carols for this season are: “Joy to the World” and “O Come All Ye Faithful”. Not only do I love the melodic content of each song, but the lyrics always challenge me to remember what Christmas is truly all about.

“…Let every heart prepare Him room…”

Is there a better invitation to salvation than those last 6 words? I think not. What a beautiful reminder that the whole, (and Holy), reason we have Christmas is because Christ was sent to this earth, so that we would receive Him and have fellowship with God. Even as Christians, we can STILL get so bogged down in the ‘stuff’ of the season, that we forget to focus on the reason the season exists in the first place. We prepare our shopping lists…we prepare our bank accounts…we prepare our homes for company…we prepare our tables, our trees and even our yards. But, what God wants most of all at this time, is that we, “prepare Him room!”

Without Christ being the center of the season, Christmas becomes just another ‘holiday’ that we’d forget about all too soon, if it weren’t for the bills that reminded us of how much we spent on the ‘stuff.’ Let’s “prepare Him room” in our hearts, in our lives, in our marriages and in our families this Christmas and experience His blessings in each, as we never have before!

“…O come let us adore Him…”

When was the last time we stopped and simply adored Christ? What are the non-essential things that we’re doing that robs our time and attention from adoring our King? Are we busy doing things that really have no lasting value? Are we focusing our attention on things that are only temporal? When was the last time we stilled ourselves and truly worshipped God? “O come let us adore Him.” There’s no better time than this season to bring our focus and attention back to where it should be…on Christ Jesus. Let’s make every opportunity this Christmas to simply adore the Babe, who became our sacrifice and who loves us more than we can ever comprehend.

So, let’s prepare Him room and adore Him! Merry Christmas!

Tim
J2911

Glad to be Part of the Family

Confession time today. The last several months, I have wrestled a LOT with where I fit in at Crossroads. I took a huge hit to my self-worth and my pride (being honest) when I was told that "there wasn't a future for my position" at Crossroads and that, while I wasn't being fired, it was probably best for me to go ahead and start looking for something else. That sent me on a downward spiral that has been really tough to come back from. Thank God that He sent Teresa into my life at the exact same time, and we've spent a lot of session time working through how I processed all of that.

Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” I'll be the first to tell you, this has been my life the last 4 1/2 months. I LOVED what I was called by the Lord to do at Crossroads. Coordinating events for families, ministry opportunities, and working to draw out the talents and giftings of the adults in our church, watching children--hundreds of children--meet and learn more about Jesus....I truly felt that was the full embodiment of my purpose in life. That door is closed to me now, and I have spent months looking back, trying to rehash what went wrong, feeling hurt, angry and disappointed, crushed even. In looking back at that door, I have honestly missed the blessing of the one that was opened for me.

The past several weeks, I've walked around Crossroads like somewhat of a zombie--oh, I was there in body, but my mind was wandering....maybe wondering more so. Where do I fit in? Why am I here? Should I stay or should I go? Lowell's been sharing messages about the family and how the church is a family as well. I haven't felt much like a part of that family....or maybe more like an estranged part of the family. It's been over 4 years since I haven't had a "job" to do on Sunday morning, since I was "just" a worshiper, since I was "just" a number that gets counted into the attendance, and that feels so unsettling.

If I don't DO something there, why am I there? Don't I have to EARN my place in the family that is Crossroads? Shouldn't I be WORKING to be of some worth to someone there? (There is SUCH a good sermon in those questions! I think so many people struggle with these from time to time.)

I have been praying the past few weeks for God to show me whether my time at Crossroads is up. I've asked Him to show me why I came to Crossroads in the first place--to help me regain my first love for my church family. In a purely selfish way, I gave Him til the end of the year or I was just going to leave and go somewhere else on my own--don't you think He laughed at that? ME giving HIM a deadline!! HA!!

Last night, I got my answer. I coordinated the Thursday night outreach evenings of the Carolinas Christmas Spectacular. It's where we invite in 600 nursing home residents, night shelter residents, teenage moms, orphans, persons with disabilities, etc. It's my job to invite them to attend, distribute tickets, do seating arrangements, and welcome and greet them when they arrive.

After everyone was there, eating their delicious meal and enjoying themselves, I got a chance to sit back and reflect on what had been happening. That night, I had received tons of hugs and "how are yous?" from children, teens that I love, as well as so many adult friends who I haven't really reached out to since I left my job. Charles was there!! Yayyyy!!! My favorite Little Drummer Boy was there in his band uniform. JAYYY-SUN!! There were volunteers who came to love on some babies that belonged to the teen moms who were attending the show. A very weird lookin' Rudolph was roaming the halls, with a sweet teenager in a green elf costume that sent me an air hug. Tammy and Leanna were absolutely indispensable, and I've missed being around the two of them so so much. Bea gave me a wonderful Christmas hug. There are so many people there that I have grown to love over the past 8 years that I've attended Crossroads. I got the biggest bear hug from Lisa that I've ever had, and I was able to congratulate Kels and Gordon on their marriage again.

I sat in the back of the worship center and watched adults with developmental disabilities dance with one another. I saw teenage moms' eyes wide with wonder was they walked into our nursery and saw how well their babies would be taken care of. I watched my senior pastor sitting on the floor at the back of the room looking up to the sky, wondering what he must have been feeling, guessing that he was giving thanks to God for where Crossroads has come from to where it is now. I watched the servers--young and old, male and female--take such great care of each person in attendance, and my heart began to swell. Gone was the anger. Gone was the bitterness and the hurt. I think I felt what the Grinch felt when his heart grew two sizes that day. I know mine must have as well.

I honestly can't say that I know what my purpose at Crossroads is. I don't know if I'll ever minister there again in any capacity, paid or unpaid, calling or volunteer. But I can say that for the first time in months, I am so glad to be a part of the family of Crossroads, and I praise God that He used a night of reaching out to people that so often go overlooked to remind me that the family that is Crossroads is defined by one thing: a heart to serve others through hearts that have been redeemed and transformed by Him.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Kara

It's Been a Good Week!

Hey Everyone,

I hope you're all enjoying the change of seasons. Autumn is my absolute favorite! I love the fall colors. The oranges, deep reds, golden yellows, etc. The crackle under your feet as you walk on fallen leaves. The nip in the air that brings out the sweaters, sweatshirts, long sleeve jammies and your favorite pair of boots. Knowing that it's the time of year for college football which means that college basketball is right around the corner. (Go Heels!) There is really nothing about Autumn that I don't like!

If you think about what Autumn really is, it's a death. All those blossoms and colorful plants that bloomed in spring and held on through summer (even when we had a drought), have given way to the cold snap. Those beautiful fall-colored leaves are dying as they share their last burst of color before falling off the tree and covering the ground.

Though the winter days are barren, save for the green of the pine needles on so many of our trees in North Carolina, this death signals a hope for new birth and growth. We know that, just as Autumn signals death, Spring brings with it rebirth. In just a few short months, after we've endured the harsh blasts of cold air and snow, tiny green shoots will rise up through the ground, new leaves will begin to form on the trees, and soon, Spring will be alive with new birth.

Two thousand years ago, a tiny baby was born, so we're told in "the bleak mid-winter" (isn't there a Christmas carol about that?). Jesus was born to a virgin girl in order to live to die. He grew up with the help of an earthly mother and father and a Heavenly Father that allowed Him to become fully human and while still being fully divine. During the spring of his life, he worked with his father, Joseph, as a carpenter. He watched his mother, Mary, go about her duties taking care of her home, loving and nurturing her children. He sat at the feet of teachers of the Law, all the while being the fulfillment of the Law in human form. The spring of Jesus' life was the time he grew into adulthood and learned all the things we, as humans, experience. The joys, the trials, the pains, the laughter, the fears, the loneliness. Jesus, during the spring of his life, felt and experienced life on this earth that He watched being spoken into existence.

As Spring turned to Summer, Jesus began to take on His role as teacher and to share with others the love His Heavenly Father has for our fallen world. There were miracles, disciples, Pharisees, traitors, demons, parables, children, followers, detractors, mockers and devoted believers. As Jesus and His followers traversed the rugged terrain to share the message of God's love, Summer's heat began to bear down on them. He was challenged, criticized, mocked and called a blasphemer. The people who criticized could not see that the person they despised was Love come to earth. The scorching heat of summer led to a shocking betrayal by one of His closest followers as Autumn's death began to beckon.

Autumn, just as it must for flowers and leaves, turned deadly for Jesus. He was sentenced to death in order to take on the sins of mankind and serve as payment for the wages of sin and death that each of us so rightly deserve. As Jesus willingly chose to die on the cross and to fulfill His purpose in coming to earth, Autumn came to an end with the death of Jesus. But there was now such good news! Never again would man have to face his own Autumn with no hope of Spring to come.

As you look at the last remnants of fall colors in the leaves, yes, there is death occurring. But, close your eyes, and picture the Spring. For it is surely coming.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecc. 3:1

The Wisdom of General Patton

"Don't measure a man by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."

Recalls to mind that Scripture from Micah that I so love now: "Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."

Do good things,
Kara

Come Together, Right Now

Hello Everyone!!

I hope you're all enjoying a relatively quiet few days, now that the election is over. No more negative campaign ads, lots less yard signs congesting the highways, and life can resume some sense of normalcy.

In case you're wondering, Mom won!! YAYYYYYY!!! She was the only Democrat in Cabarrus County to win her campaign. YAAAAYYYY!!!! I am so proud of her! In a county that is totally red for the most part, at least one result turned the county BLUE!! (I like to think of it in terms of a shade of Carolina blue!)

Based on my last post where I decided I was going to put my trust in God, and rest in the fact that He establishes His leaders, you might would have thought that I would have been at peace and restful the day of the election and that awaiting the returns would have been a cake walk.

Well, if you think that, you'd be wrong! On election night, I was given a beautiful example of how my thought process can develop into panic and anxiety. I was stressed out all day, quite snippy in some of my comments, and just in a worried state the whole day. What I SHOULD have done with that worry was take it and pray over it, speak words of encouragement and life over myself, and remind myself that I can trust God that His will would be perfect for this situation and any others that I came into contact that night.

I should have, but I admit that I did not. By the time our family made it to Troutman's to watch the returns, I was really keyed up. It didn't help that I received a phone call from an ex-boyfriend whose name will remain unspoken who said when I answered, "SO...are you a nervous wreck yet?" Well, I should have risen up and rebuked those words!!

I should have, but I admit that, unfortunately, I did not. I focused on them, and it did not help matters much at all. I went into the restaurant, and no less than 5 minutes later, my stomach was a literal wreck. I was feeling sick and went to the bathroom, and the panic really began to set in. I had to leave; I just had to. My dad, bless his heart, drove me to my house (about 5 minutes away). I was speaking all kinds of reallly crappy stuff about myself: "I am a total disappointment to you guys." "I can't do anything right." "I should never have come." "I've just let everyone down." (If you're in Lifeskills or have taken it, you should be thinking arrested development and shame spiral right about now. If you're not or never have been in Lifeskills, YOU SHOULD TAKE IT!! Shout out to the Cozads!)

My dad, again bless his heart, said, "Nope. We're gonna get you home. You can be sick at home and then, we're gonna go back to Troutman's." Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't think that was going to happen. But, and here's where I will choose to celebrate some victory, I spent about 45 minutes at home (and glad I did...I love my bathroom!), and then I got into the car and we went back to Troutman's where we stayed until more than half the returns were in!! YAYYYY for me!!

I choose to celebrate the small victories these days. What seems like such a non-important thing to many, going back to a restaurant after leaving, is for me a victory. Instead of giving into the fear, I began to think positive thoughts and remind myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (I even sang the FAM JAM song!), and I made it!! It wasn't the ideal night, nor was it the way I would have wanted it to be, and I'm sure it wasn't what my mom had envisioned as her last night of election returns on the ballot, but it was a small victory for me and a HUGE V-I-C-T-O-R-Y for mom!!

Now, I'd like to share a bit of my own personal perspective about the Presidential race. Many of you know that, yes, I'm a Democrat. So, now I feel free to say that, yes, I voted for President-elect Obama. I chose him back during the primary while Hillary was still the front-runner for the Dems. I've wrestled with some issues that he brings to the table, but in the end, I believe that he has the ability to bring this country together and will help to re-establish our place among the nations of the world. But that's not really what I want to share.

What I feel so impressed to share with you, my faithful readers, is that to quote 3rd Day, "We've got to come together"....it is our responsibility as Americans, whether we voted for the person elected or not, to support our President. We should pray for him, his family, the people he places around him to advise him, the members of his Cabinet, etc. My guess is that I am EXTREMELY outnumbered at my church in my vote for President, and that's totally ok. I didn't vote for President Bush; however, I did pray for him. Our system of democracy is the best thing going. If we believe that God ordains His leaders, then Barack Obama was His choice for our President at this time. I believe that is reason enough for us to join together, as Americans and as Christians to pray for a fellow Christian who will soon be entrusted with the most difficult and most powerful position on earth.

Off my soapbox now....

Two Weeks & Countin'

Hey Everyone!!

Well, I'm sure by now that you're just like me...exhausted with the constant barrage of political advertisements that are splattered across the television, radio and newspapers. It seems like everywhere we go, we see an Obama this, or a McCain that. Now the campaign yard signs are strewn along the highways and byways. Is it just me, or are you ready for it to be O-V-E-R? That'd be over!!

I'm sure all of you know that my mom is an elected official. What you may not know is that means that I basically run the campaign. I'm also the treasurer of her campaign. So whether it's advertising strategy, fundraising, writing letters, desiging logos, bulk mail, reports, ordering all sorts of things, speaking at various events, coordinating calendars, etc., that's my game. Now there's nobody on the planet better at putting out yard signs than my dad...he's got that covered, and he is GOOD at it!!

But, I have to tell you, all this craziness is about to catch up with me!! I used to love working campaigns from the Presidential races down to local races, I loved them all. Quite frankly, I'm really good at it, too. But something changes when it's your own family member's name on the ballot. It takes on a whole different level of urgency, especially when that family member's career is determined by the outcome of an election!!

I was sitting in a Life Skills class several months ago, no I'm not going to tell you that you should enroll, you should know that by now!! Anyway, we were in class the day that filing for office ended at noon on a Friday. Up until 30 minutes before the deadline, mom had no opposition, and believe me, that would have been fierce!! But, I got a call from mom that someone had filed, and I started to cry. I'll never forget Tammy asking why that upset me so much, and I made this statement: "Because I'm good at politics, and if I lose, I don't know what I'll do." Did you notice anything in there? WHOSE name is on the ballot?? "If I lose".....don't go to the polls on November 4th thinkin' you're going to see "Kara McAbee" by any job title!! Well, the ladies in the group basically called me on the proverbial carpet on ownership of something that's not really mine to take. (I'm sure this goes to Life Commandments, shame, or something....might need a refresher course here, Chad!!)

This whole topic came up once again in session a few weeks ago with Teresa, when she shared some Earth-shattering news with me (and I'm still having a hard time processing this): I am not in control of the outcome of the election!! Excuse me? What?? Really?? I don't control the voting positions of thousands of people in Cabarrus County? HUH???

So, Teresa and I will soon be focusing on my proclivity to take on far too much responsibility for things that are out of my control. I'm wondering about this....you know, I really do believe that it's very important just where I sit when watching a Carolina-Duke basketball game....I do think that I affect that outcome. (I'm teasing ya'll.....I can really only swing about 12 points that way!)

I really wish that knowing that I don't control the outcomes of elections, whether my mom's on the ballot or not, could relieve me of the stress and the pressure I feel, but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't. I've promised each of you to be truthful as I share in the blog, so here it is: I'm stressed out, a bit worried, and not handling all this well at times. Then, there are times I enjoy the heck out of what I'm doing, but I just can't wait for this to be over. God and I are still working out me being ok with the outcome that He chooses, regardless of what it is....we're still having some MAAAjor talks on that one!!!

Isn't it cool the things we continue to learn about ourselves as we open our lives to the work of the Holy Spirit? Soooo cool!!

So, here's the Scripture that I'm plastering on my forehead for the next two weeks: "..there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." Romans 13:1 (I'm pretty sure that didn't mention Kara in there??)

Do great things, ya'll,
Kara

Making a Mess out of the Message

Hi Everyone,

I recently heard a conversation on The View between Robin Roberts and the ladies about her breast cancer diagnosis. One of her life lessons is that you can always "Make your mess your message."

I think that has significant impact for each of us. Without doubt, each of us goes through trials and tribulations in this life. Whether it's a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or panic and anxiety attacks, we are each given an opportunity to turn our tests into our testimony.

I've been thinking about that "mess into a message" comment a lot the past few days. I wonder how many times I've managed to turn the message into a mess? Have I lost opportunities to share my story? Have I forgotten to give praise for the storms? Do my actions, my sins, my failures turn the possibility of using the message of my life into nothing more than a huge mess? Is it possible to turn the message into a mess?

I'll be honest; I've really been struggling lately. I have had some great weeks that have had successes in them. I've gone out in public to some restaurants and not run out after the first five minutes. I've gone to a meeting at a restaurant and stayed several hours and was the last to leave. Even made it to the grocery store to stock up on what I needed to make a yummy veggie beef soup for my parents a few weekends ago. Counseling with Teresa has been wonderful; we've really touched on a lot of stuff, starting that healing process that I've so needed. I've felt so good about myself and how things have been going.

This past Monday was a great day. Mom and I did a TON of campaign travelling and errands. It was just such a wonderful day. I got home around 1 and decided to run out to the grocery store to pick up a few things when the bottom dropped out. I was in the store with a few things in hand, realized I wasn't breathing well, started feeling like my legs were going out from under me and knew what was happening. I threw the food on a table (sorry MP Food Lion) and tried to get out as quickly as I could, while grabbing for my cell phone to try and call Mom (Thank God she answered), and get to my phone. I had to get out of there....panic attack waiting to happen. When I got to the car, I noticed my hands were trembling like crazy. Luckily, my grandmother lives only about a minute from the Food Lion, so I headed to her house to lay down and try and get out of the panic.

I made it there, and she gave me some water, and I laid down. I will say that, with some time, I was able to talk myself down, so I don't think I had a "full blown" panic attack, although I was really scared. I knew I couldn't drive well, so Mom came and got me. We stayed at my grandmother's house a few hours and just rested, talked and got a bite to eat. In time, I was able to drive to my house. Then, Mom drove me to Teresa's and we had a great session. We talked about a few things that may have led to what happened.

The scary thing is just that this happens completely out of the blue; no warning. That's what makes me want to cry--there's such a helpless feeling in realizing that your body might attack you just out of the blue....you can be in the car, a restaurant, at home, or obviously at the Food Lion.

So, does this example of going back to having another attack make a mess of my message? I hope not. Maybe it just serves to show me that I'm not as healed or as far along as I would like to be. Teresa has encouraged me to continue to just accept that "I am where I am". She sees a lot of work being done, a lot of healing, and she said that I'm on the "fast track". Too funny---I feel like at times that I'm never going to come out of this; still struggle with times where I'd just like to cave in.

But if we have to walk through the mess to have the message and if we have to go through the tests to have the testimony, I guess I will begin the process of accepting that this is my mess and my test.

This leads to you...those faithful readers and people that I love: please continue your prayers. Don't forget about me!! I'm still here and I still need you. Your words of encouragement and comfort mean so so much to me.

Please pray over the next few weeks in particular for peace during the last weeks of the election cycle. There's so much to do, so much unnecessary responsibility I place on myself, and so much that I'm trying to learn about not defining my self-worth on my accomplishments (or failures). This is just a really rough time to be learning all these life lessons. So please keep me in your prayers as I seek God's leading and guidance for my life as well.

I love you all,
Kara

Random Thought...Shout out to Steak and Shake!

Ok, so this is a weird thing. One of those random thoughts that hit you every now and again, and though it has no redeeming value whatsoever in my journey towards healing and restoration, it's just a cool thing! So, I'm sharing it!!

I went to grab a kids' meal at Steak and Shake and ordered my usual large Sprite. For those of you who don't know, Sprites don't have caffeine in them, and for someone who is predisposed to being a bit jumpy and nervous, you don't need the extra caffeiene! After placing my order, I noticed on the sign that they serve, "No! It can't be!! Is it? It really is!!"....CAFFEINE FREE DIET COKE!! WOOOO HOOOOOO!!

That's the first drive in or restaurant that I've seen that carries a caffeine free drink other than a Sprite or something like that. So, like I said, nothing of huge significance, but Yayyyy Steak & Shake!!

"Reminiscing"....Anyone Remember who Sang That?

Hey Everyone,

I just sent an email to a friend, encouraging him to read my blog from beginning to end, so I decided that it might be time that I do so myself. It's been about 3 months since I started this beautiful blog, and I thought I'd do a bit of reminiscing.

In my second post, I found it. I called myself a victim. A victim of childhood sexual abuse, and it hit me like a lead balloon. So, it's time to change my verbage. I am NOT a victim....I am a SURVIVOR!! Something happened to me as a child that I did not choose, but as an adult, I DO get to choose how I look at the experiences of my life.

NO LONGER will I choose to define myself as a victim. That implies helplessness, and for goodness' sakes, I'm 37 years old, so I am far from helpless. For those of you who are on this same path with me, you will understand that something inside of you will feel forever damaged, scarred and weary. But by no means helpless.

If "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", then that is the very antithesis of the word helpless or victim. I am a survivor....oh gosh, now I hear Beyonce singin' in my ears. Now if I could look like her........wow.....and now I'm hearing a song from The Man of La Mancha that Don Quixote sang..."To dream the impossible dream"....

Do Good Things,
Kara

A Return Visit to The Shack

Hey Everyone!

I'm sharing a copy of The Shack with a friend at work, and it got me thinking about some of the lessons I learned in reading the book, and I want to share them with you. As you know, I've been battling panic attacks and fear/worry/etc. since college. Truth be told, you can wade back into the inner recesses of my life, way back into childhood, and see times that I allowed fear to keep me from doing things in elementary school, so I guess fear has been like a constant companion my entire life. As God is healing me and teaching me during this season, I truly believe that He used The Shack to teach me a few more lessons. If you haven't read the book, please, please go buy a copy (and get one for a friend who needs to read the truths included as well).

This is Papa (God) talking to the main character, Mack. This SO applies to my life and I'll share how after the quote.

"When I dwell with you, I do so in the present--I live in the present. Not the past, although much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure, I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. Mack, do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?"

Well, everyone, that defines a panic attack just waiting to happen. When I spend so much of my time imagining the future, what will come, what might happen, etc., I am imagining a future without God. We're told in Scripture that He never leaves us or forsakes us. We're told He knows the plans He has for our future, and that they are for our good. We're told to be strong and courageous. We're even told that He goes before us to fight our battles FOR us!!

I think what Papa is trying to encourage Mack, and each of us as readers, is to remember that when we move into worrying about "what if", we need to remember that, even in the midst of the worst "what ifs" we can imagine, GOD IS WITH US!! Ya'll, I have spent so many moments worried about what might happen. I've cried buckets and buckets of tears thinking about what could happen, but Papa is right, I never pictured Jesus walking with me through the "what if". If He's right there with me, what have I to fear? His presence, living and active and within me is what brings comfort and peace to my mind and my heart. Now, for a little bit more of The Shack:

"Why do I do that?" asked Mack. "It is your desperate attempt to get some control over something you can't. It is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn't even real, nor will it ever be real. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear."

I stand guilty of those charges! In my fear, I've tried to gain control over the thing that I fear. Can we have control over the future? We may think we can. Oh my goodness the things I've avoided doing, for fear of something happening that probably never would. Most of you know how much I don't like to travel anymore, especially on Interstates. I fear a wreck happening up ahead of me and being stuck in hours of traffic with no escape. Now, yes, that's an actual thing that could and does happen, but never once has it happened to me (great, now that I've typed it, look out!). But I have avoided concerts, ball games, trips to the beach, trips to the mountains, etc. all because I've tried to avoid what I fear coming true. I think I might just go "cave in" right now...that's so depressing to type and look at, but it's my truth. (Remember, I promised to be truthful, even if it was ugly.) Back to The Shack:

"So why do I have so much fear in my life?" "Because you don't believe. You don't know that we (the Trinity) love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don't know it."

This journey, the past three months, has been so painful. God's been doing some major excavation work on my heart, my mind, and my spirit. It's felt like taking a great big bulldozer, reaching down into the depths of Kara, and pulling up tons of messy stuff. Not easy, but oh so needed. When I read that paragraph, it made me cry. I am one of the ones who has sung about God's love for the bulk of my life. I've even taught children how much He loves them. I've ministered to friends who've called at all hours of the night crying and hurting. I've witnessed to strangers in homeless shelters, online, etc., but the one person who needed to "know it" more than any other has been myself. And the truth is, I've never KNOWN it.

Praise God that I believe the past few months has been His way of getting my attention and allowing me to learn more about the amazing depths of love that He has for me. The hardest thing has been to believe that I'm "worth it". So many of my single friends have heard me say that all I'm looking for is just that one amazing man who thinks I'm "worth it". Well guess what? I met him when I was a little girl in the Sunday School classes at MPUMC. His name is Jesus, and He thinks I'm so "worth it" that He died to save me from an eternal separation from His very own Papa.

This isn't necessarily a witnessing tool, at least not that I've ever thought about, but if you don't know my Papa, I'd encourage you to reach out to someone who does and ask about Him. His love is immense. It is eternal, and it is so radical. I'm just now starting to understand it, and to believe that I'm worth it.

Discovering My Worth While in the Vault,
Kara

Hmmm...I Need a Jewel Song Today....

Hello Friends!!

For those of you who aren't single, trust me, you can learn from what I'm about to post as well. I read this article a few days ago, and a portion of it just hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so applicable to life in general, and I just had to share it with you.

But first, an update on me. I'm still at The Arc....wooo hoooo, starting my third week! They still want me, so I'll go for week #4! I'm also still seeing Teresa, and for those of you who've been praying for me on Mondays at 4, take today off! She's out of town! The Tar Heels AND the Panthers are on a winning streak, so football season's off to a great start!!

Today, I am feeling completely grateful to God. My guess is that it's only in retrospect that we can truly look back, understand what He was doing, and rejoice in His provision and his providence, mercy and grace. I can promise you---when He grabs hold of you, leads you out of the pit you may not have realized you were in, and brings you to a higher place, all you can do is fall at His feet and praise Him!! I am blessed to be able to see how He has done this for me in a certain area, and thanks to confirmation and encouragement from a variety of friends, I KNOW that it was His best and His plan for me! Something that I thought would be so painful and difficult has, in fact, turned into a beautiful mosaic designed by my Creator to protect me, comfort me, and take me out of a situation that could have led to heartache instead of a heart pinch. I'll bet most of you have experienced those times, but for me, this is the first time I've ever really been cognizant of His power to intervene in a beautiful way in my life, and I'm SO BLESSED AND GRATEFUL!!! Praise You, Father!!!

Now to what I was reading: It's from (oh gosh, I can't believe I'm admitting this) a book called Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Ok, before ANYone says ANYthing, I didn't read the book, but found this article with a great quote FROM the book...really, I mean it, and if you don't trust me on that, you have trust issues, and you need to get in Life Skills quick!! Hehehe Chad, I got another reference in there!!

Please read this and think of the way it applies in your own life....it doesn't have to do with only singleness!!

Here we go:
"Paul Tripp, author and biblical counselor, explains the pitfalls of this continuum in this way - desire leads to demand, which re-labels itself as a "need" and leads to expectation of fulfillment, which, when unmet, leads to disappointment, and thus ends in punishment. As he writes, "The objects of most of our desires are not evil. The problem is the way they tend to grow, and the control they come to exercise over our hearts. Desires are a part of human existence, but they must be held with an open hand. ... The problem with desire is that in sinners it very quickly morphs into demand ('I must'). Demand is the closing of my fists over a desire. Even though I may be unaware that I have done it, I have left my proper position of submission to God. I have decided that I must have what I have set my heart on and nothing can stand in the way. I am no longer comforted by God's desire for me; I am threatened by it, because God's will potentially stands in the way of my demand. ... There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations."

When I first read that diagnosis (in his book "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands"), I was stunned. One sentence in particular screamed from the page: "There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations." These are self-induced dings to our hearts! Even more seriously, these acts are seeds we are sowing to future conflict in our own marriages. No husband will meet all of our desires, so we should learn to protect our own hearts and minds in Christ Jesus by not indulging this cycle of idolatry.

((BLOGGER'S INSERT--THIS IS SOOO GOOD!!)) So how do we change? Here's something I've been meditating on over the past year. The secret is in the worth of a woman with noble character. The Bible says she is "more precious than jewels." Jewels aren't out on the store's front counter for every passerby to carelessly handle. Precious jewels are guarded in the vault, and are only brought out for consideration by a buyer who has demonstrated serious intentions and the wherewithal to purchase. Costume jewelry attracts casual inspection - and lots of it - by its cheap presentation. But because it's not seen as valuable, it's not treated as such.

We don't have to put our affections and ourselves on display. We can trust our heavenly Father to ward off the casual shoppers and only bring those with serious intentions to consider us. But you need to know that this will mean some "vault time." While you're in the dark, wondering when - and if - you will have a chance to sparkle for an appreciative buyer, you'll be tested. During this time, keep in mind these three reminders:

* Prayer: Take your petitions to God, for He's the only one who can change a man's heart, and this brings His peace to guard our own hearts.
* Pursuit: It's not our job as women. Instead, we should have the joy of being pursued.
* Prevent Disappointment: Check yourself before you head down the slippery slope of desires, demands and expectations that Paul Tripp outlined. When you find your fist closing over good desires and making them demands, stop. Open that clenched fist and hold that desire up in prayer (see point one again).

We have to be very careful about guarding our own hearts. This is a wisdom issue. More importantly, it's a worship issue. The real motivation for guarding our hearts is not to be able to hand our husbands a relatively unscathed heart on our wedding day, as important as that is. The real motivation for guarding our hearts is to preserve our trusting dependence on God with a peaceful spirit, whether we get married or not. It's to keep a Scriptural imperative: "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Sooooo, friends, what have I learned?
1. My desire and dream of marriage and family is God-given, and not a bad thing. However, when I left it morph from a desire to a demand and closed my fist around it, God became a threat, because He may not provide my desire. If I choose to submit my desire and my dream to him, with an open hand, He has the ability to potentially place that dream in my hand. He could never do that with a clenched fist!

2. I am a jewel...I'm thinking maybe a really pretty Blue Topaz...it's Carolina blue, you know? But I'm in some serious "Vault Time" right now, locked up and protected until and if God chooses to allow someone to open the vault. But, I now trust Him more than I trust myself to make those decisions...boy, my track record...eeeesh! So, while I'm in the vault, ya'll pray for me and with me...it's kinda dark in here and rather lonely at times. But, I know that I know that I know that HE IS in here with me!! After all, His name is "I AM"!! (Tim Patrick would get a snort and a chuckle out of that one!)

I love ya'll, and remember, this is a journey I'm on, and it will continue for a while. Healing ain't easy, and it isn't always fun, and it hurts quite often, but, ultimately, it will be glorious.

Journeying in the Vault,
Kara

Who Says You Can't Go Home?? A Little Bon Jovi Today!

Hellooooo.....is there an echo in here??

It just might be because it's been a while since I've posted! I feel like I have a lot to update you guys on, but let's start with a little apology!

First, I'm sorry that I haven't been updating the past few weeks. As you all know, I've left my position at Crossroads, and I took an ENTIRE two weeks off! Ahhhhh, it was WONderful!! I rested. I watched tv. I slept. I did nothing. I wrote a lot of poetry. I journaled. I did an awful lot of nothing. I cooked! I baked a cake...it was yummo! I read an awful lot. Suffice to say, I had a blast! It was so incredibly rejuvenating just to be able to de-stress!

Oh! I also went to church for the first time in about 3 and 1/2 years as a normal (well, as normal as you can be for me) person...no responsibilities! I really was able to enjoy the entire worship experience. I heard the entire message and didn't have to leave early to get ready for a new service. It was GREAT!! You just don't realize how much you miss those little things when you're so crazed on Sunday mornings, running around doing a million things for everybody! (Now, please hear me...that is NOT a complaint! I loved my job, and I loved the people I worked with and I LOVED the kids! I'm simply readjusting my outlook on life and on Sunday mornings, and I had a great time!)

I'll also admit to backsliding two of the last three Sunday mornings. I had church at home with my own worship time, which was very sweet. I watched two pastors on tv that I've really grown to love...check out Ed Young, he's great! Very up to the minute...he did a series on "Big Sex" that was just terrific...go check out the messages on his website if you'd like! You'll be glad you did.

This past Tuesday, I started my new old job at The Arc. Sounds funny, doesn't it? Who says you can't go home? Not me! I am honored to be back with these women and one guy (love ya, Brian!), because I know they care about me and have my best interest at heart, and I also appreciate the mission of The Arc. It's right up my alley, and I'll be doing things I love, so get ready to hear a lot about what's going on here!

A BIG THANK YOU to Lori E. for my special present she gave me at church a few weeks ago. That cross meant more to me than you'll know, Lori. It was the incentive I needed to continue the blog, actually, because I've been re-thinking the value of actually doing it and what its purpose is! Thanks for reading and letting me know that you care!!

Well, guys, I no longer have Mondays off, but I do only have to work 1/2 days on Friday, so it's time to zip out of here! I'll catch up more later....don't abandon me!! Remember, I'm on a journey to healing, and when the panic and anxiety start to flare, I remember you guys, and I hang on to your words of encouragement, so stick in there with me!!

Love you all,
Kara

"You Take My Breath Away"...an Homage to Rex Smith

Hi Everyone,

Now if someone actually gets this musical reference, you are definitely of my age frame!! Boy that Rex Smith was a cutie, and I LOVED that song of his! No, I'm not going to blog about pre-teen crushes, but most of my blog titles of late have a musical reference, so there ya go!!

The real point of this post is to give thanks to God for the past 4 years or so. I'm in the middle of an incredibly bittersweet time right now, and I just came across one of my favorite quotes: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

I have had the joy, the privilege, and the honor to share my life with some of the most amazing kids in the world these past years. I've worked alongside incredibly talented staff members, and I've met some wonderful parents and volunteers at Kids1st. Tomorrow is my last day on staff here, and today is the day that I want to say thank you. Working here has had a wealth of moments that took my breath away.

First, there is no one who contributed more to my growth and development in my job and who encouraged me more than Tim Patrick. Tim is not only a friend, he is a trusted source of Biblical encouragement, counsel and wisdom. Tim believed in me and helped to spark a passion in me to give of my time and talents to children. He helped me see the amazing God-given potential in each child that comes in the doors of our church, and he has a passion to see that each of them get to know Jesus as their personal Savior and best friend. I miss him terribly, but I know that his friendship, and that of Lisa, Jessica, Jason and Jacob are ones that will continue with me forever. Tim, you gave me endless hours of laughter and joy during my Internship and my two years as Events Coordinator. From the Donald Duck conversations, to the long hours coordinating FAM JAMs, to the awesome Go Fish concert, to watching so many children give their lives to Jesus (through games!), to getting this new building designed and decorated, you made these past years awesome! I am indebted to you for so many reasons, and a simple thanks just isn't enough. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. I hope I contributed to you and your job even a quarter of what you gave to mine! I love you, my friend!!

Anne, what better desk-sharer could I have asked for? There is no one who could possibly sit with me for hours and sing all the #1 hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s...and forget the 00's who knew any of those songs anyway? You love those babies like no one else, and I can't WAIT to see what happens with STARS!! It's gonna be awesome!

Rhonda, you came to our team at a time when we needed a person to greatly concentrate on recruiting and inviting people to join our Kids1st team. Your bubbly personality and joy for life is inspiring! You love these children at Kids1st, and your enthusiasm for teaching them is truly putting Jesus' handsand feet in action. Thanks for the conversations, for listening to me cry, for hugging me when I needed one, and for sharing our cubicle area that is so chilly and cold!! I wish you an abundnace of blessings in the years ahead, and I know that the Lord will pour our His lavish love on you. Your children are terrific....I love each of them, and I'll miss Em's hugs at work!!

Laura, you were also an answer to prayer when you joined our staff. You have insight and wisdom beyond your years. I miss you already, but I know that God is leading your family into a brand new exciting adventure! I can't wait to hear of all that He is doing in Paul's new position. I pray blessings over each of the children, and I look forward to keeping in touch. Thank you for all you did to help Kids1st! Thanks, also, for the great LS discussions! Wanna drive back down here each week to take it again?

Kim, I'm so glad I got the opportunity to know you the past few months. We're fortunate to have you as our Nursery Coordinator. Those babies and their parents have a great advocate working for them!

There are so many children at Crossroads who have produced many moments that have taken my breath away. In 2007 alone, more than 80 children gave their lives to Christ for the first time!! At Kidz Blitz LIVE just a few weeks ago, it was 49! I have loved teaching at Kids3D...my first time doing object lessons, and I STILL believe the ice cream one on waiting was the absolute best one, even though one kid did cry because she didn't get to eat any!

I have been blessed beyond measure to meet and come into contact with people who dedicate their lives each day to seeing the Lord move in the lives of children: David & Teesha Laflin, the Go Fish guys, Steve Brogan, Chris Booth, Josh Dowdy, Tiffany Robison, there are so many more. Each of these people have encouraged me, worked with me, and helped make my job so much better.

To the parents of all the amazing Kids1st kids....I can not begin to thank you enough for the privelege and the joy of working with your children. Words can't describe how much I have loved sharing and ministering the love of Jesus to your kids!!

To all our volunteers, THANK YOU. Without you, nothing we do is possible. You make it all worthwhile. You sacrifice your time, your efforts and your energy to make sure our children have a safe and welcoming place to be. THANK YOU.

To all the former Dream Team and CAST members I've worked with, I love each and every one of you, and I pray God's blessings on your families.

To Crossroads: you've simply taken my breath away.

With Bittersweet Love and Much Respect
Kara

How's THIS for Confirmation??

Hi Everyone!! If you're not a Christ-follower, you probably won't believe this and reduce it to a simple coincidence. That's ok if you want to, but for ME, I choose to believe this was God's confirmation for me. I HOPE you read yesterday's blog posting...if you didn't, PLEASE read it before finishing this one.....really....go ahead....read it!!

Now that you're back (if you ever left), I want to share about an email devotion I opened and read late last night. My jaw just dropped. I PROMISE that I read it HOURS after I posted on the blog!! I have it subscribed at my personal email address, so I typically only check it at night once I have chilled out a bit from the day. In the Inbox, I found a devotion whose title was "There is a Season." If you remember, yesterday's post was called Turn Turn Turn and referred to The Byrds song with that line in it. That got my curiosity going, so I read the devotion and just about had that cow my mom was supposed to have had yesterday. In its entirety, here's yesterday's email devotion, "There is a Season".

I heard a song on the radio that made me think about the dreams we all hold dear to us. You know what dream I’m talking about – the one you always talk about but just can’t seem to achieve. Maybe it’s finishing your education. Maybe it’s learning to play a musical instrument. Or maybe it’s getting fit. Whatever your dream is, it isn't going to get done if it only remains a dream. What turns dreams into reality can be summed up in one word… action! This brings me back to that song I heard on the radio.

It was a hit song recorded by The Byrds back in 1965 called “Turn! Turn! Turn!” The song’s lyrics were actually adapted from the Bible, and it’s one of those songs you recognize immediately when you hear it. The part of the song that made me think about unrealized dreams can be found in the chorus: “To everything, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn. And a time for every purpose under heaven.” As you read those words, consider the following questions: Regarding your dream, is this the season? Regarding your dream, is this the time? The reality is that this can be the time and the season for your dream IF you make it happen. So, what do you say? Do I have any takers, or am I just talking to The Byrds here?

So, my friends, tell me....coincidence or confirmation??? How COOL is that??

Turn, Turn, Turn

Well, God bless Google! I was gonna title this posting "The Turtles on My Mind Today". But it turns out, it should have been "The Byrds". Oh well, this will make sense--I promise! (Anybody know what song The Turtles are famous for??)

Go back in time with me, remember the song by The Turtles called "Turn, Turn, Turn"? No? Hmmmm....remember the song by The Byrds called "Turn, Turn, Turn"? Yes? Ok, we're on the right track now!! Sooooo..

The lyrics are quite Biblical: "To everything, turn turn turn; There is a season, turn turn turn; and a time to every purpose under Heaven." Then it goes on to list a time to be born, a time to die, etc. etc. You DO remember the song, right? If you don't, you might wanna check out LifeSkills. Whhhooo hoooo!! I got you on that one!! Haven't mentioned LS in a long time!!

ANYway, I guess this is the point of my posting today, if there truly is a time for every purpose under Heaven, then if there is a time to come, there is a time to go. If there is a time to enter, there is a time to exit.

You read of my really tough night on Sunday night as Jeff and I parted ways. What I couldn't share was that there was so much more going on under the surface that also finally came together on Sunday.

I believe that God is a God of timing. His timing and mine don't always seem to align, but when it does, it's a powerful thing. For weeks, I've been feeling restless, and I haven't known why.

In my session with Teresa last Monday, I was sharing thoughts of leaving Crossroads and going to find another job...of course, I had no idea what that might be! I shared that it was becoming apparent that I had been removed from the "body" as a whole and that my worship was beginning to suffer. I couldn't take classes, couldn't join small group meetings, couldn't just enjoy getting up on a Sunday morning and "just going to church" anymore. She encouraged me to just continue to pray about where the restlessness was coming and to share more when I came back this Monday.

Little did I know, but the Lord was paving a pathway, even while Teresa and I were speaking. When I got home, I checked my email, and there was a message from a dear friend and former employer asking if I knew of anyone who might possibly be interested in my former position at that agency. I called her that night, made a few jokes about coming back, and we agreed to think about it.

Talk about timing!! Over the next few days, the Lord made it abundantly clear that His timing was a lot sooner than I'd thought! I never envisioned leaving this position at Crossroads! I guess I thought I might grow old developing cool ideas for unique events for our children. Maybe I'd be a 75 year old granny wheeling in my chair, rockin' out to Go Fish!!

But, that doesn't appear to be the Lord's plan for me at this time! So, with great sadness and a good bit of heartache, but with also much anticipation, I am officially announcing that I have turned in my letter of resignation to Crossroads. My last day working will be Friday, August 15th. Ahhh, I'm gonna miss my boys and girls....all the parents who've entrusted me to find family-focused events, plan them and make them great fun times....all the AMAZING volunteers: our teachers, our assistants, our worship leaders, our Ambassadors, our Dream Team, my crazy DreamCAST, the teenagers who've helped assist with events....and not to mention the staff of Crossroads. They are a tremendous bunch of people, and I love them dearly, especially the one that got me unhooked from a bench that first day of work....you'll always be my hero!! hehehehe!!

I want to be very clear and make sure you know....I am NOT leaving Crossroads Church!! Far from it! I actually hope to be MORE involved (ohhh, my mom's having a cow now) in the life of the church once I have some down time and rest time. I want to be able to enjoy Bible studies again and maybe join a small group, so if you know of a great one or you're willing to let me join yours, let me know!!

"To everything, turn turn turn. There is a season, turn turn turn. And a time to every purpose under Heaven"...so ends my '60s The Byrds trip down memory lane!!

On to the '00s??? What IS this decade called??? Hmmmm well new song time!!!

"Who says, you can't go home? There's only one place they call me one of their own...a hometown girl born a rolling stone. Who says you can't go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact, there's only one place left, I wanna go....who says you can't go home?"

THOMAS WOLFE, that's who!! But, he's dead now....has been for quite some time, and I'm about to prove him WRONG!! I AM going back home again. Back to The Arc of Cabarrus County!! I am so honored, privileged and excited to say that I'll be able to go back to The Arc to work with that awesome staff, and the incredibly amazing clients that are served there. For those of you who may not know, The Arc is an advocacy agency that works with and for people who have developmental disabilities (think Autism, Downs Syndrome, etc.) I'll still get to work with events like Operation Santa, dances, camp, Awards Night, etc. And boy, do I have the fundraising ideas, so get ready everyone....It's a New Day, I'm Going Home, and to everything, Turn, Turn Turn!!! My purpose under Heaven may be shifting, but I'm promised that God orders my steps, that He has a good plan for my future, and that He will never leave or desert me......who needs more than that??

I'm headin' home......
Kara

Me Again!

Well, I'm not typically the greatest Joel Osteen fan, but I do subscribe to his daily devotional. There's nothing like a little extra encouragement to get your day started. I know I may sound a bit "cryptic" to some of you, but I just had to giggle at the timeliness of this devotional!! So, I'm going to share it with you....I hope it will bless someone today!! Rejoice in the God of the Suddenlies!!

Today's Scripture
“I foretold the former things long ago, My mouth announced them and I made them known; then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass” (Isaiah 48:3).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

Our God is a God of the suddenlies! Suddenly, He can turn your situation around. Suddenly, He can give you the break you need. You may have been dealing with the same problem for ten years. It may look like it’s never going to change, but in a split second, God can totally resolve it. No matter how long it’s been, no matter what you’re facing, you’ve got to believe that God is full of surprises. One touch of His favor and He can move the wrong people out of your life and move the right people into your life. One touch of God’s favor and He can take you from having barely enough to having more than enough. You may not see how it’s all going to work out, but you don’t have to figure it all out. Your part is to simply believe; to get up each day in faith, expecting God’s favor. Expect something good to happen to you today. Expect God to surprise you. Remember, He’s a God of the suddenlies and He can suddenly turn around any situation you may be facing!

A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, today I come to You, giving You my cares and worries. I believe that You are working behind the scenes and expect You to suddenly turn things in my favor. Thank You for everything You are doing in my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

It's a NEW Day!!

I don't want to share details, but God is so good, isn't He? He allows us to wake up each new day, and Scripture tells us that His mercies are new each day. So, in that light, I want to share a quick quote with you that touched my heart today when I read it. I will have lots more to post soon, and I'll give you a great big update when I can!! Be praying, warriors!! God is up to some amazing things!!

"We can never live in the past as if it were our true home...And it is a good thing that God draws this veil over the past even without our asking. In so doing, He allows us to live today for tomorrow with just the few memories we need of what was."

THAT is golden, my friends!!

Rejoicing along the journey,
Kara

The Hardest Word

Back in the 70s, I guess, Elton John had a song out that had a line in it that said "Sorry seems to be the hardest word." I think I'd like to nominate another word for the award for "hardest word." I think I'd like to nominate "Goodbye".

Have you ever been in a season of your life when it feels as if God is just ripping everything that you've ever trusted in, believed in, or found strength in out from under you? Do you remember seeing magicians do that trick where a table is all elaborately decorated with china, crystal and silverware, and he picks the edge of the tablecloth up and jerks it away, leaving every piece of tableware exactly where it was with nothing falling off?

Today, I feel like that table is my life, except once the tablecloth got jerked off, all the crystal shattered on the floor, the plates broke, and the food is all glopped up all over the floor.

What happened, you might ask? Well, I'll be honest. There are a few things going on that I'm not prepared just yet to discuss, so I'd ask that you just hold me in your prayers over the next week or so.

But the reason for "goodbye" being the hardest word? In addition to everything else swirling around in life, my boyfriend and I broke up last night. Many of you guys know Jeff, so if you see him, please give him a hug or ask how he's doing, ok? We were talking last night about how little time we've been able to spend with one another the past months. He's had work situations that have kept us apart, not to mention four kids! I've gone through all this panic stuff, and that's severely limited our ability to go "out" and really date when he has been able to be around. Now, campaign season is upon us, and my time is limited once more, so how can you really cultivate a relationship, especially one in which you love the other person, if you're not able to be with them? (If anyone knows that answer, could you let us know?)

It just seemed more and more apparent as we talked that we were both feeling the same pressures and the same strain on the relationship. The past 10 months have had their ups and downs, all relationships do, of course. But for those of you who don't know Jeff well, or think you know him, I want to share a few things that I was able to learn about him during the course of our relationship.

He has a kind, gentle and loving heart. He is a dad who is so devoted to his children, and he loves them tremendously. Though he's a big guy, he's truly a sensitive and caring person who has been hurt in life (haven't we all), but who tries to do his best for his kids. Yes, he makes mistakes, and yes he is learning who he is and who God says he is. But, he never once gave me reason to doubt that he loved me. He supported me and encouraged me, and he always wanted my best. He was a true friend to me, even though his choice in college basketball teams left a lot to be desired. If I ever needed to hear an "I love you", "You can do it", or "I'm here for you", or if I ever needed an early morning wake up call "just because", Jeff was always there to share it. He loves his God, and he loves Jesus, and he has a heart for worshipping, and I've been able to learn a lot from him in that area.

So, my friends, I believe that "Goodbye" just might be the hardest word......

Kara

Happy Belated Birthday, Mom!!

Here's the thought for your birthday:

"I still don't know the answer to all the "whys" that have churned up my life, but I no longer need to know. Instead of questioning God, I've learned to search for ways God has used these experiences for good---to find-tune me in my spiritual growth."

Love ya'll!!
Kara

My Political Endorsement!

So, friends, it's 100 days until the Election of '08. Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, liberal or conservative, I think we can all agree it's time for some change. So, I boldy present to you my choice for President of the United States of America....



God bless America!!!

Thought for the Day...

"Instead of looking for answers to the unanswerable questions, look for joy in the life you've been given and let yourself be glad you're alive. Have genuine happiness despite your condition. (Scripture will tell you that it's really joy you have in spite of your conditions instead of happiness...but that's just my interjected point!) Enjoy laughter. It's available everywhere once you start looking for it."

Workin' Away...New Blog Layout

Hi Everyone!

It's me, your favorite (well, I hope your favorite) handy-dandy blogger, Kara! I'm typing away at my keyboard at work, taking a break from recruiting some FLAKES to join our Ambassador Center Team. What's a FLAKE, you ask? Well, it's a person who's Fun, Loving, Attentive, Kind and Energetic!! I'm the Queen of Flakedom, myself!

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you might notice a change in the look of the blog. I've been playing lately with the look. The Carolina blue fits, right??

I bought an IPod recently, and Go Fish is playing in my ears now, so I'm feelin' kinda snazzy. (Only those with kids under about 10 will know what that means!)

Anyway, this is the day the Lord has made, so I'm choosing to rejoice and be glad in it.....how about you?? The drive in was great this morning. We're getting lots of political stuff done down at mom and dad's house. It's hard to believe it's been 4 years since the last campaign. We've decided to do our best and leave the rest in God's hands....I guess a lot less stress that way, right??

Is anybody watching that Greatest American Dog show? It comes on tonight, and I'm just in love with this bulldog named Tillman. (Course, his owner ain't half bad to look at either...don'te tell Jeff!!) Man, the dog can SKATEBOARD!! I'd fall on my generously proportioned butt if I tried to do what he does!! If you haven't seen it, check it out on CBS, 8 PM I think!

A Little Confused Lately

Hi Everyone,

I guess you've noticed that I haven't posted much of anything the past week. The truth is, I've been conflicted over whether I should continue this blog. After two recent discussions, I've been cautioned to be careful about what I post here, how honest I should be, who I should allow to read it, how authentic I should be in here, whether I should post people's names, if I should mention church and work, who the "safe people" are that I can trust with reading this, and the fact that, sometimes, our truthfulness and authenticity can come back and bite us in the proverbial behind.

I share all of that, because I know several of you have asked when I would be posting something new. I guess the answer to that is today, and if you'll allow me, I'm just going to talk to myself a bit in this post. I'd appreciate and encourage your responses. You can comment here or email me...you have the address. If you don't post a note here, and I'll send it to you.

I began this blog with the intent that I could share with the people I chose to read it how I was doing as I tried to learn, once again, how to deal with panic and anxiety. I thought it would become somewhat of a "Chronicles of Kara" as I walked this journey. When I was in college and had panic attacks, I basically learned how to medicate and survive. I stopped doing things that "normal" people would do. (I never drove on 85 until a couple times last year...that's almost 20 years of not driving on the interstate.)

If I'm being 100% honest, and I promised to do so here, I really limited my life and went into "survival mode". I graduated college, went to work, fell in love, had my heart broken and served up on a platter, decided to never trust again, moved to another job, made the decision to leave my home church and go to Crossroads, started working alongside Tim (ok, maybe I shouldn't have posted his name, I'll have to watch that!), started my internship at the church, and began working there, met a lot of wonderful new friends, lost some of them in ways that have been painful, rediscovered a friendship that's now become more. In reading all that, you can add in ran some successful political campaigns, worked for non-profit agencies and catered weddings. Gosh, so many things the past 16 years or so....that LOOKS like living, right? Sure sounded busy enough!!

But I guess, and the first conversation of last week that I had confirmed this, I never really was living....I think it was merely existence, surviving, and if I believe ANYthing of what the Bible says, God doesn't want His kids to merely survive. He wants us to LIVE. Jesus died on a cross for me to give me life to the fullest, and what I've chosen to do with my life is FAR for the "fullest".

You all know me, so this isn't a shock, other than for the pure honesty: I've damaged the vessel that I've been given on this journey. I've been entrusted with a body to use to serve and honor God--Scripture tells us it's the very temple of the Holy Spirit--and I've not been a very good steward of this vessel. I share this to be totally authentic with myself....anyone who looks at me can tell that it's the truth. I'm just choosing to own up to my own poor stewardship. If something that's been shrouded in darkness and lies is brought into the light, it can't have power over me. In Lifeskills, one of the most profound statements I heard Paul Heggstrom make is that adults who were wounded in childhood can have a tendency to ignore or not want to know the truth about their bodies. In effect, they'll ignore symptoms of a major illness and not get treated because they're afraid of knowing the truth. Well, that's been me for a VERY long time. Today, however, I'm choosing to take control of my vessel. Hmmm, well maybe not control, but I'm choosing to be a better steward of that vessel....Note to self: "Kara, God's in control!" None of you will probably realize to what extent this is meant, but I do, so like I said, today's posting is for me!!

If you want to know a medical update on the panic/anxiety, here goes: I've reduced my medication that I'm taking each day to only 2 pills a day, and I've had no dizzy spells lately. (Up until one around lunchtime yesterday, but that's a different story, and since I'm still not sure about posting things about church/work, I'll just leave it at that.) I have another appointment with my doctor in a few weeks, so we'll be taking a look at some other things (refer to paragraph above).

Counselling is going well. The Lord has shown me so many lies I've bought into over the course of my life, basically all centering around my worth as a person and as the daughter of the King. (To the person who helped me see a few of those things last week via email, thank you so much! See...I didn't mention your name!! :--)) One of the things I learned last week is that, those of us who experience tremendous heartaches and feel as if we've had the very life jerked out of us when we experience loss of relationships, we have a TREMENDOUS capacity for love. We feel it deeper than others. We experience it greater than others. We lavish in it and enjoy it in a way that many others cannot.

The flip side of that, of course, is that when we lose it, we grieve it much more deeply than others will. This is where I am....caught in a web of un-grieved losses. I won't name names here, but those of you who are close to me and have walked with me over the past 8 years or so, are well aware of a tremendously heartbreaking loss and betrayal I experienced in a relationship. I thought I'd gotten over it, but the truth is that I just masked over the pain, pulled myself up by my big girl undies, (& ya'll know me, so you know they're big!) and moved on....."I'm doing just fine, thank you very much!" Several of my dearest friends the past few years have been from Crossroads, and I've lost them as well, and I haven't even begun to think about losing the people you confide in, share your secrets with, dream with, cry with, and grow in Christ with. Last year, mom was diagnosed with cancer, and I cried one time, the night she told me. I couldn't begin to think about losing her or my dad....I'm crying now just typing!! That treatment ended at the end of the year last year. The beginning of this year promised to be so much better, and we were all so grateful to God that she was healed. Just a few weeks later, it was announced that my friend and colleague (he always hated the word boss or director and never, ever used it in front of me) in Kids1st was leaving at the end of February. So, as you can see, I've allowed so much unresolved grief to build up, and I haven't processed any of it at all.....

When I first was diagnosed with panic/anxiety back in 1999, the first psychologist I ever saw equated panic to a wine bottle. (For those of you who don't drink, sorry for the analogy!) He said it's like the cork on the bottle, and the inside pressures just build and build and build. Finally, there's nothing else for the cork to do but explode, and that's where you have panic attacks. Not dealing with the losses in our lives, masking over them and pretending everything's ok is absolutely the same thing. I guess my cork just up and popped a month or so ago!!

I do want to share one insight that I gained over the weekend in some quiet time. I may have been reading, but it occurred to me that God wanted to get my attention, and He'd been gently tapping on my shoulder asking me to come away with Him to a quiet place so I could learn and spend some time listening to Him. Apparently, I didn't do that, so He needed to take a bit more drastic measures. Earlier in the year, I had a bout with a lot of sickness that just wouldn't go away. I had a stomach flu, then the flu flu, then a bad cold, and finally, I was so run down, I had to take a week off and just lay in bed doing nothing. Even that didn't really work, so I suppose He turned to the method that would get my attention like no other. I PROMISE each of you, the second I had that panic attack, HE HAD MY ATTENTION!! Truth is, I haven't had another one since then, but I've allowed fear to come back into my life. What I'm battling and waging war against is allowing the "fear thoughts" to enter my head without combatting them with corresponding truths--Scriptures that encourage me to claim my rightful place alongside Jesus. I'm a victor not a victim. I know that ALL things work together for my good. I know that God is up to something holy...He has a plan for my life. He is my strong tower, I can run to Him and I'll be safe. There are SO many promises I can claim, and the best part of it all is that each day, each circumstance, each minute, is all part of my healing process! I'm CLAIMING HEALING AND FREEDOM!!


Well, friends, my fingers are tired, and if you've hung in here this long, your eyes are probably tired. I'm still not sure I have answers about continuing these postings, but keep checking back, I won't end without letting you know. Again, if you have ideas, comments or thoughts, post them here or shoot me an email.

Love and blessings along the journey,
Kara

Blog Title

Hey Everyone!

Ta-Da!! Chad Cozad wins the award for the "Who Can Figure Out the Title of Kara's Blog First?" contest!! Chad, I'll try and figure out what the prize is shortly! I'm going to post the lyrics to a song that means the world to me by Matthew West, called "You are Everything". I think you'll notice a familiar line!

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall?

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart.

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I'd ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true
And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You are
Oh You are
Jesus, You are
You are everything

The Shack Author on TV

Just a quick heads up to those of you who have either read or are reading The Shack. Paul Young, the author, is a guest on this week's episodes of "Life Today with James Robeson". I've just watched the first episode, and it was wonderful. He'll be back for more.

He's got me thinking about where my actual "shack" is....the place where my life got stuck, and where I've chosen to stay in hiding and give up my authenticity. It took Paul years to come out of his shack, and I suppose that the experience of the past month or so in my life is God bringing me out of MY shack.

Just thought you'd want to know!!

Kara

Difficult Start to a Great Day

Hello Everyone,

I've got a lot to share about yesterday, so I'll get started quickly. My morning started out around 4 AM when I woke up, dizzy and spinning. I've had several episodes of dizzy spells the past week, and my mom and I think it's due to the increase in the medication I'm taking...the one that made me so sleepy the first week I was taking it.

When you have panic and you fear having an attack, the last thing you want to feel is out of control (Now, I know that God is ultimately in control, and I'm just fooling myself if I think I have control.) When you're dizzy and feel out of breath, that's one of the scariest symptoms of having an actual panic attack. Add to that taking a medication whose side effect IS dizziness and lightheadedness, you're in for a boat load of worry.

I couldn't get back to sleep after having the spell, and even though I knew it was probably the medication, my fear came in that I could be driving and have another dizzy spell. If I had, believe me, you wouldn't be safe, nor would I!!

With Sunday morning and then Kidz Blitz LIVE Sunday night, I was facing at least a 15 hour day, and I haven't done that since the fear and panic came back. So, I did what I knew to do, I called for help, and bless my mom's heart, she agreed to be my driver and walk with me in case I had a dizzy spell while at church. She's my hero in this process, and I'm so fortunate to have her, but I worry sometimes about becoming overly dependent. I guess that's something I'll have to work through with Teresa.

I was scared not to take the medication in the morning because I didn't know what would happen if I quit "cold turkey", so I took it and ate some breakfast. Once I got to church, no kidding, I talked to THREE, count them 3, other women who had been on this same medication who ALL told me they had to come off of it because they couldn't handle it..they were dizzy and couldn't function well. Gosh, that sounds familiar!! I told my mom that would make me feel so great if I found out that the dizziness was a result of the side effects of the meds. (Dizziness & lightheadedness are the first two side effects listed on the information sheet about it. Of course, you're warned not to drive until you know how it affects you.....well, that's real encouraging for those who have panic attacks!! Tell me this is gonna affect my "control", and I'm a wreck!)

It was so great to see Barb & Paul Malinich, and I got a chance to talk with Brooke Wagner about all of this coming back. Brooke reminded me that it seems like when we're stepping out in faith or stepping up in levels of maturity those old ways that used to hold us back rear their ugly heads to try and keep us down. Grrrrrr I can't stand satan and his stupid plans to kill, steal and destroy. he's tried to kill my joy, steal my peace and destroy my hope.....but I KNOW that I am more than a conqueror and that the Lord's joy is my strength. Sometimes, I've just got to remind myself of that!!

Church went ok, except for a point during registration for the 11:11 service when I was feeling overwhelmed with all the people in the welcome area....so many questions, so many needs, so many people, etc etc....it was all just a bit too much, and I lost my breath (which means I'm not breathing in a peaceful way, in thru the nose and out thru the mouth). I needed to get away, but I was alone, so I almost didn't make it. Bless my mom and Shana Plummer, they stepped in and helped out, and I was grateful. Other than that, I guess the morning went well.

Set up for Kidz Blitz LIVE began immediately at the end of the 11:11 service, and the guys who stayed to help were awesome! The event coordinator, Donnie, called me twice after the end of the event to brag on them, so if any of you are reading this, THANKS!!!

The team members who came and did their assigned roles were just terrific, and the night wouldn't have happened without them! You guys rock, and I'm so blessed to know each of you. Thank you for stepping up and helping out! We had a great night! Thirty-eight children accepted Jesus as Savior for the first time last night, and as I watched that, all I could do was cry. That just makes all of this so worth it.

I cut back on the dosage of my one med yesterday, because I was afraid of the dizziness happening while I was at the church and responsible for Kidz Blitz. I called the doctor today and they've asked me to cut back to two dosages each day instead of three and see how that affects me, so I'll be doing that for the next few days. I'm asking each of you to please pray for me during this process. I have to admit that I'm afraid of this medication right now, and even though I'm beginning to feel some of the joy for my job and for my life that I haven't felt in a while, I'm still struggling day to day. It's a process and a journey, when I'd just much rather be at the end of the destination to healing and wholeness today.

Don't give up on me, you guys. I'm not giving up on myself, and most importantly, I'm not giving up on my God. He's in control, even though I'd like to be! He has a plan for my life, and it's a plan for good, to give me hope and a future in Him. He has promised to be my shelter and strong tower, a place I can run and be saved. Because of that, I can have peace, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and I have no fear. He comforts me. He upholds me. He strengthens me and He LOVES me!! (He does all those things for you too!!)

I love you guys, and I am overwhelmed by your encouragement, your hugs, your emails and comments of support, and I am grateful to God that you're a part of my life!

Kara