Hey Bloggers!
Months ago, when this blog first began, I promised you 100% authenticity. I said I'd be completely honest with how things were going in life, in my struggles (once again) with panic, and where I was on the journey toward wholeness and restoration.
So, in that promise, I'll share what's going on today. On the way in to the office, I began to feel those incredibly difficult, yet familiar feelings. The mind racing, the feelings of helplessness, the overwhelming urge to run toward safety. I truly would not wish this experience on the worst of my enemies. Well, maybe on Bin Laden, but that's another story.
I'm at the office, trying desperately to practice all those relaxation techniques that you learn along the way through therapy, online message boards, and discussions with friends and family. Deep breathing, slowly in through the nose, out through the mouth. Tensing up your fists for a few seconds and releasing them. Teresa even suggested "checking in with your toes" to see how they're doing. (I guess to get your mind on something other than the panicky thoughts.) I'm honestly grateful that no one's really around. I'm busying myself with some mindless work that doesn't require a lot of thought. That's a really good thing right now, because I'm not really sure I could put 2 and 2 together! My prayer is to survive and make it the whole day and not have to run home.
But here's the problem. Every time I experience this again, I begin to beat myself up, because I feel as if I'm taking another tremendous leap backwards. Why does this continue to happen? Why can't I move beyond this? Where is the healing that came so many years ago when this happened in college? Why me again? Why this again?
I just read a quote that I'm going to hold on to for a while: "We have to pray with our eyes on God and not on the difficulties." God bless Oswald Chambers, "Uncle O", as my friend John calls him. I always find myself focusing on the problem...the difficulties instead of on how great and powerful my God is. For some reason, the phrase "prelude to a miracle" came to mind. I truly hope that this is what all these experiences have been the past several months, a prelude to MY miracle!
Continue Praying as I Continue Journeying,
Kara
1 comment:
Dear Child of God,
Congratulations! Sounds to me you're doing all the right things. Keep up w/the breathing exercises and keep looking up to Him. You are loved. You are valued. You are safe in Him. I've had those panic feelings creep up on me since coming off the medicine. You know, the may never go away. I think it's how we handle them. Best bet is keep doing what you're doing. Take advantage of the breathing and advice. Keep putting that into practiceand keep looking up. I'm praying for you! Hang in there.
Love your sister in Christ,
Lori
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