Come Just as You Are

Hello Bloggy Friends!

It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything, and for lack of better reasons, I offer no excuses. God has me in a season of reflection, restoration, and relearning some old lessons that I thought I had worked through. Sometimes going back up a mountain you thought you'd conquered can be painful and feel like drudgery, but learn the lesson I must, so onward and upward I journey.

I was blessed last weekend to be able to attend the 2011 She Speaks conference, sponsored by Proverbs 31 Ministry. She Speaks is an annual event at the Embassy Suites in Concord - I had a small travel budget, so that just fit right in! Each year 650 women attend this event - this year, there were 46 states and 4 countries represented. These are women who have felt a call on their lives from God to either write, speak or lead others into a saving knowledge of His love and mercy. I was honored to be in their midst.

WAIT!! Huh? ME?? Really? What was I doing there? This failure at church-wide ministry who had basically been fired from my "Dream Job". (Even though I chose to leave. Trust me, when you see the writing on the wall, sometimes they don't have to say the words for you to know it to be true.) Yes, I've felt called to write, but I had nothing to hand out to anyone, and I haven't sat down to put much on paper lately in all honesty. Yes, I love to speak, but do I have the confidence to actually get up on stage and effectively communicate for HIM? Leading women? Well, one pastor and a couple of my friends seem to see that in me, but do I actually sense it for myself? Hmmmm.....

Truth be told, I had agreed to begin leading Women's Ministries @ The Village Church just 2 weeks before I received the email about registering for She Speaks. When I saw that there was a Women's Ministry Leadership Track, I was convinced that was my confirmation from God that this was the path my spiritual life was taking. I love women and seeing them grow and become more confident in themselves because of the power of Christ's love for them....this was going to be PERFECT!!

Ahhh, the plans of mice and Kara! I registered for She Speaks and paid up front. That was a huge commitment financially, and I trusted that God would use my obedience (and sacrifice) to minister to me and to show up where I needed to meet Him that weekend. Two weeks after that, God very pointedly showed me that I was not to be the Women's Ministries Director @ The Village and that I was to sojourn on to my new church home. (When I find it, I'll let you know!)

I forgot about She Speaks.

Then, I received an email from LeAnn in the P31 office. Uh oh. I was still registered to be in She Leads...and I had nobody to lead!! What a farce I felt like. The words of the enemy began berating me. "Who do you think you are?" "You can't lead anyone or anything" "No one's going to listen to you", etc. etc. "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough, and gosh darn it, people don't like you". (Insert SNL reference there.)

I sincerely thought about cancelling and getting at least a portion of my registration fee back. But life got busy and I didn't do anything. Then, I realized I had missed the date to get ANYthing back but a small portion of the deposit. I was stuck. I was registered, and apparently I had to make the decision to either go and try to get SOMEthing out of it, or not go and lose the money, the opportunity to meet a lot of women (maybe even some new friends), and anything that I could hopefully glean from the conference.

I posted on a Facebook group for attendees my dilemma and how I was feeling as if I had nothing to offer. One new friend suggested simply "come just as you are" and to offer up my gifts, my heart, my talents, my dreams and my plans to Him. She said from experience of having attended She Speaks in the past, He would meet me where I was if I would just let go of my pre-conceived ideas for the conference.

Oh, how He met me.....to be continued......