Gaining....& Losing....

"Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. 'Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?' " Matthew 16 (MSG)

My guess is that several of you thought this would be another update on the weight-loss journey I've been on over the past several months. Well, you'd be wrong, but then again, you'd be right!

God has been tugging on my sleeve a good bit lately in the area of control - who has it and, sadly for me, who doesn't. I am a self-confessed control freak. Shocking, I know. I'm a person of schedules, rules, expectations, priorities, and stick-to-itiveness. (Hmmm, I'm pretty sure my 8th grade English teacher, Becky Porter, would run her red pen over that word!)

I want things to be "just so". Actually, I want them to be "Kara's way". I can't tell you how many times I've said (albeit mostly to myself) "If people would just listen to me and do things the way I say they should be done, this world would be SO much better!" Please - somebody help me out here and tell me I'm not alone!

I want this weight loss thing to be on my timetable too. I told my mom, just yesterday, that I'd like to be able to take some magic knife and shave off all the fat that's leftover. That way, I don't have to worry about counting calories, developing a much more standard (and rigid)exercise program, or drinking my 100 ounces of water a day.

I'd like to be in control of my work situation. I want a full-time job with benefits, thank you very much. One where I'm giving back every day and contributing to society and making a nice salary would be helpful.

I'd like to go back to school and complete a Master's program in....well, in something. That way, I'm "more educated" and can hold my head up a bit higher. I've used the intellect God graced me with.

I'd like to be a published author with a book on the NY Times best seller's list. Lots of offers for speaking engagements and conferences scheduled all throughout my calendar.

While we're at it, I'd also like to have a home on Union Street. One of those big old white houses with all the amazing built-in woodwork and creaks in the floors, a huge wrap-around front porch with lots of shade where I can sit with a good book and read, or with my laptop as I'm composing my next best-seller.

Oh oh and also, I'd like to be rich! Well, maybe not rich, but super comfortable. Where I don't have to worry about paying bills or really "working" ever again. Yeah, that'd be nice! And that's not so selfish as much as it is practical...to be a writer, I need time to write, right?

I want all political decisions to be made by me. After all, we'd be in so much better shape in this country and throughout the world.

I want children. Yes, I do. I want children...how 'bout you?

I want a husband. Oh yes, I most certainly do. Kiefer Sutherland's still available, isn't he? (Just kidding, Mike, if you're reading this!)

"Then Jesus went to work on his disciples"....now THOSE are some challenging words! Jesus went to work on them? OUCH! Why does that sound a slight bit painful? He tells them HE is in the driver's seat, not them, if they intend to follow Him. "Jesus, Take the Wheel", anyone?

If I want Jesus to be the head of my life, I must learn to surrender, each aspect of my life to His way and to His will for my life. He promises that He knows my future and that it's good and filled with hope. Resting in that promise allows me to slowly loosen my grip on MY control, MY dreams, MY hopes, MY plans for MY future.

He encourages them to not run away from suffering, but to embrace it. Embrace it? Who wants to embrace suffering? That's gonna leave a mark! Yes, it will, but oh what a mark it will be. Our present sufferings are so small in light of all that is to come. When I let go of the control of my suffering, I allow Him to come into the hurt and wounded places, to bind my broken heart, and to restore my life in the way that is pleasing and honoring to Him. He also gives them, and us, a great promise by saying "I'll show you the way."


"Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self." Self-sacrifice...does that conjure up images for anyone else of putting ourselves on an open spit, tied up and burning? Maybe not, but I can tell you for this control freak, it FEELS like that. When I don't WANT to not eat a piece of chocolate cake. When I don't WANT to go for a walk. When I don't WANT to knuckle down in the details of my life, my control screams..."DON'T SACRIFICE!! DON'T GIVE IN!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!" But then, that still small voice whispers, "I'm here. Just make one right choice. Yes, it may be tough, but think of the reward on the other side. You can do it. I'll show you the way."

"What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?" Lose myself? I confess I am guilty of doing this on more than one occasion. Yes, the control freak may rage, but sometimes those idols - those things I think I need - they get the best of me. Instead of spending time in His Word, in prayer, in worship...I'll go flick the tv on and watch something mindless. Instead of taking a walk, I will go grab the sugar-free ice cream. (Hey! At least I said sugar-free!)

When I'm challenged to go my own way, to do my own thing, I need to remind myself that I'm effectively choosing to give up my soul. My soul that longs to bless my Creator, my Savior, my Lover. My Abba Daddy. The one who died for me and loves me with an everlasting love. He has my name engraved on the palms of His hands. Is there really anything, ANYthing, that is worth more than that?

I don't wanna gain the whole world, and lose my soul.......