Difficult Start to a Great Day

Hello Everyone,

I've got a lot to share about yesterday, so I'll get started quickly. My morning started out around 4 AM when I woke up, dizzy and spinning. I've had several episodes of dizzy spells the past week, and my mom and I think it's due to the increase in the medication I'm taking...the one that made me so sleepy the first week I was taking it.

When you have panic and you fear having an attack, the last thing you want to feel is out of control (Now, I know that God is ultimately in control, and I'm just fooling myself if I think I have control.) When you're dizzy and feel out of breath, that's one of the scariest symptoms of having an actual panic attack. Add to that taking a medication whose side effect IS dizziness and lightheadedness, you're in for a boat load of worry.

I couldn't get back to sleep after having the spell, and even though I knew it was probably the medication, my fear came in that I could be driving and have another dizzy spell. If I had, believe me, you wouldn't be safe, nor would I!!

With Sunday morning and then Kidz Blitz LIVE Sunday night, I was facing at least a 15 hour day, and I haven't done that since the fear and panic came back. So, I did what I knew to do, I called for help, and bless my mom's heart, she agreed to be my driver and walk with me in case I had a dizzy spell while at church. She's my hero in this process, and I'm so fortunate to have her, but I worry sometimes about becoming overly dependent. I guess that's something I'll have to work through with Teresa.

I was scared not to take the medication in the morning because I didn't know what would happen if I quit "cold turkey", so I took it and ate some breakfast. Once I got to church, no kidding, I talked to THREE, count them 3, other women who had been on this same medication who ALL told me they had to come off of it because they couldn't handle it..they were dizzy and couldn't function well. Gosh, that sounds familiar!! I told my mom that would make me feel so great if I found out that the dizziness was a result of the side effects of the meds. (Dizziness & lightheadedness are the first two side effects listed on the information sheet about it. Of course, you're warned not to drive until you know how it affects you.....well, that's real encouraging for those who have panic attacks!! Tell me this is gonna affect my "control", and I'm a wreck!)

It was so great to see Barb & Paul Malinich, and I got a chance to talk with Brooke Wagner about all of this coming back. Brooke reminded me that it seems like when we're stepping out in faith or stepping up in levels of maturity those old ways that used to hold us back rear their ugly heads to try and keep us down. Grrrrrr I can't stand satan and his stupid plans to kill, steal and destroy. he's tried to kill my joy, steal my peace and destroy my hope.....but I KNOW that I am more than a conqueror and that the Lord's joy is my strength. Sometimes, I've just got to remind myself of that!!

Church went ok, except for a point during registration for the 11:11 service when I was feeling overwhelmed with all the people in the welcome area....so many questions, so many needs, so many people, etc etc....it was all just a bit too much, and I lost my breath (which means I'm not breathing in a peaceful way, in thru the nose and out thru the mouth). I needed to get away, but I was alone, so I almost didn't make it. Bless my mom and Shana Plummer, they stepped in and helped out, and I was grateful. Other than that, I guess the morning went well.

Set up for Kidz Blitz LIVE began immediately at the end of the 11:11 service, and the guys who stayed to help were awesome! The event coordinator, Donnie, called me twice after the end of the event to brag on them, so if any of you are reading this, THANKS!!!

The team members who came and did their assigned roles were just terrific, and the night wouldn't have happened without them! You guys rock, and I'm so blessed to know each of you. Thank you for stepping up and helping out! We had a great night! Thirty-eight children accepted Jesus as Savior for the first time last night, and as I watched that, all I could do was cry. That just makes all of this so worth it.

I cut back on the dosage of my one med yesterday, because I was afraid of the dizziness happening while I was at the church and responsible for Kidz Blitz. I called the doctor today and they've asked me to cut back to two dosages each day instead of three and see how that affects me, so I'll be doing that for the next few days. I'm asking each of you to please pray for me during this process. I have to admit that I'm afraid of this medication right now, and even though I'm beginning to feel some of the joy for my job and for my life that I haven't felt in a while, I'm still struggling day to day. It's a process and a journey, when I'd just much rather be at the end of the destination to healing and wholeness today.

Don't give up on me, you guys. I'm not giving up on myself, and most importantly, I'm not giving up on my God. He's in control, even though I'd like to be! He has a plan for my life, and it's a plan for good, to give me hope and a future in Him. He has promised to be my shelter and strong tower, a place I can run and be saved. Because of that, I can have peace, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and I have no fear. He comforts me. He upholds me. He strengthens me and He LOVES me!! (He does all those things for you too!!)

I love you guys, and I am overwhelmed by your encouragement, your hugs, your emails and comments of support, and I am grateful to God that you're a part of my life!

Kara